Relaxed the resistance a few notches and then find that solutions appear. With a lot of help which I asked for.
Practical things like sleeping with earplugs in last night. So simple. And ironically the suggestion came from a friend who I was gave a pack of them to to help her sleep more soundly.
I gotto wonder, is part of me so invested in complaining and resisting that’s why I didn’t even see that? Or just fear using up bandwidth of noticing. I don’t know. And I love and accept myself completely….I’m choosing peace.
I email back about 6 email enquiries I had just completely ignored and have a visit set up to see one small job locally. Action. I clear out my inbox for the first time properly in 2 years, down to about 10. I feel less overwhelmed now.
I’m diving deep and finding good company to keep with that. One of the beauties of the painful experience is that it can be so encouraging. It makes me seek help, to go inside and find the silence and peace and love…..find what is real.
Lots of Eckhart Tolle and have deleted and started a new Twitter account, it’s all positive encouraging loving output I follow only now. Nearly all. Banned myself from looking on all mainstream news outlets nearly entirely too.
The situation remains the same workwise, no work lined up, and yet I’m not afraid right now. I’m surfing the fears and thoughts aren’t running away with me. Doing what is being done in the present.
I’m out walking in the morning sending love to a new block of apartments, this time looking at each window and saying love to you, love to you, love to you….
Had a walk and breakfast with my friend P yesterday. The friend I’ve known since primary school. Was nice. Simple easy familiar loving company. Her 89 year old mum is close to leaving, and it’s an emotional time for her.
Back here and an unexpected hour and a half nap on the sofa. Catch up on sleep. Different room that I don’t often use – and discover it’s less noisy. Then binge watch a French series that was cleverly done and a good story. Time out.
Got my Sunday regular deep therapy client this morning and then meeting the Edinburgh client to choose plants at the nursery. Then meeting P in the late afternoon again at her request, bit of chumming along I think.
Just keeping with in the present moment I am safe and all is well. Hell realm of anxiety is mostly caused by a fabricated imagined future in my mind of calamity and disaster. But here and now it’s, well, perfect actually.
Hell realm is always sitting there as an option and always available should I decide to start thinking about how awful and terrible the future might be. That why it has been called the ‘Razor Edged Path’.
And deciding not to go there creates a tension.
Tuning into the love and silence and trusting and surrendering in itself creates a tension, as the higher energy fields and the physical body meet.
Breathing deeply into the body helps. I feel it and notice habits just now as I let myself surrender more fully. I don’t have much appetite and not eating much for example. And grounding is important too.
So out there again this morning breathing the cool morning air, being in the body and the senses more fully, noticing the bird song, the trees. Sending love to another batch of apartments.
Aware that the pain gives the gift of courage to let go and feel appreciative of that. I offer myself up and ask the universe to use me.
Note to self – don’t let your desire for belonging make you divulge the unnecessary to clients. It reduces your effectiveness.
Learning to Rest with it All 