5am

I started this day in such a lovely calm way. Arranging the pillows for sitting up and leaving the light … More

Emerging from Turbulence

I think was resisting it, and trying to get a control thing going. My mind was saying You’re just not … More

Hello again Anxiety

Awoke with disturbed feelings amid a vivid dream about C. The theme was me trying to get love and him … More

The Revolution is an Inside Job

Little to reflect on personally as it is quiet here inside and out in my immediate environment in the depths … More

Big Changes in the Air

I woke up having the most lovely kiss with Elon Musk! 😂 The felt that was protecting my summerhouse outside … More

Different Rhythm

A little bumpy adjusting last night to not having my usual near complete peace and solitude! Young people drinking and … More

Lot Happening

Son arrived home for Xmas, his gf arriving tomorrow, finishing up the construction side this week for the 2 week … More

Ruffled up a Bit

Bit ruffled up inside again this morning. Though I started the day on awakening in bed with a hand on … More

Unnecessary Thinking

Feeling odd, bit off centre. Let me drop into my feelings right now, what do I experience in my body? … More

The land that is nowhere

And the deeper secret of the secret. The land that is nowhere, that is your true home. iChing Don’t look … More

The Expanded Self

It was useful to read this Course in Miracles Excerpt earlier, to be reminded of that sense of an expanded … More

Conversing with Fear

Feeling a bit uptight this morning. Hmmm. Curious about what’s happening. ‘Hello again fear, how it’s going. Anything you want … More

Taking risks, trusting…

The dissolution of individual self, as that happens I am more free to be really myself. Free of fear running … More

Less Afraid of Feelings

Same again. This is how the tools are learned. After noticing a slight unease inside, I went down out of … More

Nothing is Wrong

Almost all day up I was noticeably comfortable in my own skin, and at ease with life. Couple of trigger … More

Restoration of Love

Ooo well that little foray yesterday ended with me in quite a lot of tears as I described my experience … More

Inner Bonding

Intangible anxiety for an hour on awaking. Not a single thing in the daily life that would justify anxiety at … More

Tools for dealing with Rumination

One trigger after the next the last few days! It has been painfully uncomfortable though feel grateful to the experience … More

Luxury Waking Up

The experience of awaking this morning was delightful. As soon as I realised I was awake I started saying a … More

Making Life a bit more Fun

Each day starts with noticing that I’m waking from sleep. Immediately some words of love and support come into my … More

Encounter with Resistance

Thrilled to be noticing how integrated my self talk has become recently. There is barely anything other than positive affirmative … More

Saturday Morning

Blissful spacious love, I surrender into you. I give myself full permission to relax further and further into a backdrop … More

The Magic of Self Love ❤️

Each morning in the early hours when I stir from sleep I say some of the phrases from my list. … More

Back to Love

Tired this morning, 4 hours sleep after staying up exceedingly late into the night watching series 5 of the Handmaiden’s … More

Surrendering

It’s pouring right now, windy and dark outside. Leaves flying off the trees. Inside it’s still and warm and cosy … More

Imagination and Suffering

A visitation from emotional pain. Goodness gracious, what a level of suffering I went into yesterday. Succumbed to worries about … More

Some Laughter

Lot of fun yesterday, first with a client with whom a very direct, humorous and trusting relationship has developed. And … More

Handing over Objections

Playing with the order of positive self soothing affirmations this morning. I have been introducing this manner of of talking … More

Love Bombs

I’ve been dropping these love bombs on my beleaguered conditioned psyche recently. Think there’s quite a lot of inner adjustments … More

You are held, you are cared for, you are loved

Out into the Sunday morning sunshine, a slow amble along the swollen river to the now rather muddy edge of … More

I love, I respect and I like Myself

Breakfast in the park and walk with a friend in the morning, then a deeply restful afternoon yesterday. After that … More

Thank you Body, thank you Shower…

I look down at my body standing there and I thank it for working so well. Then I thank the … More

Pausing and Allowing

Saw an otter yesterday in the river just after I had a strong inner prompting to slow right down to … More

Letting Go

I am well, relatively calm, and yet something is very different. I’m having these 8 and 9 and 10 hour … More

Thank you

Looked after despite my fears, time and time again. I doubted and was starting to worry about the lack of … More

Surfing Anxiety

That’s what it feels like when I allow myself to feel anxiety without collapsing into it and drowning in it. … More

Shadow Work

Day started with one friend inviting me for breakfast at the local bar/restaurant. I didn’t enjoy it. There was a … More

What a Great Day

Long intense detailed dream of me and another one or two friends actually inside this AI art program. Instead of … More

Learning to Rest in Awareness

Being awake in bed and just being for a while. Not doing anything. Not picking up the iPad. No rush … More

Smoothness

Ease of being the last while. Not wanting much I notice and that seems to be a secret of well-being. … More

More Calmness

Such a treat to go through these last days nearly entirely anxiety free and to experience being this free from … More

Not Two

The feeling residue of the ‘tantric sex’ dream was with me almost all day yesterday. That phrase tantric sex actually … More

Tantric Sex Dream

Dream last night. A sacred encounter no less, and the ultimate slow sex experience. We were completely and utterly in … More

Really really Free

Yesterday – was such a joy of a day. There was a therapy client first thing on Zoom. Every session … More

Today this Helped

I was feeling tight in the throat and chest, feeling the contraction of anxiety. So I went out for a … More

Relaxing and Contracting

I just sent the price over to the (potential) next client. The job that is due to start in a … More

Undoings

Feeling low this morning. Yesterday I had a magnificent woodland walk, lunch at the park cafe….and saw the men on … More

Friday Ponderings

A little follow on from yesterdays musings… “People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is … More

Flow of Experience

Being carried along by the morning’s experiences Noticing the way the early sunshine beams through the room. Bending down to … More

Not Scared

‘The Force’ is playing a game of brinkmanship it seems, it’s really ‘me’ though – maybe I’m testing resilience against … More

Enlightenment, what is it?

Another ordinary day with its guest star ⭐️ beauty ⭐️ present much of the time yesterday. Went to the park … More

Dream Help

It’s great to just dream experiences and get the lessons instead of having to live through the actual experience! Though … More

Feeling Supported

Sitting outside after the vet with a couple of neighbours, kind people with such good hearts, and my concerned 79 … More

Active Not Passive

Was listening to James Low talking about Dzogchen on and off all night. I fall asleep listening to these talks. … More

Stillness and Flux

The changing dynamic appearances and arisings of life emerge spontaneously within an alive field of open vibrant spaciousness. If there … More

Feeling Well

I ping pong between dread and anxiety and trust and go with the flow and this blog is the drama … More

Wednesday Diary

After a bumpy start yesterday, seeing a therapy client and feeling useful from that then being outside in nature by … More

Surfing the Constant Fluctuations

Same again this morning, woke with disturbance inside, anxiety while coming out of a dream of being in the middle … More

Savouring the Calm

Just spent the last 4 hours out in the park wandering around, exploring, lunching, bit of chat and sitting up … More

Gayatri Mantra

Still reciting the Gayatri out loud quietly and inside a lot. I haven’t much experience with mantra based meditation but … More