The Smooth and the Hard times

It was a pretty serious session with the first client in the morning, with death as a theme. Of her loved ones in the past and future, and her/our own death. Sometimes their turn just comes around and we have to find a way to allow these subjects in to find their place. With compassion for us all.

And to find a way to let death help us to live in the present more fully. A reminder that we are going to die can put current concerns and fears in their place, and reveal their true lack of significance or the opposite, their importance to us.

My son is experiencing pain emotionally and also he went back onto the ADHD drug, said it was too hard to come off. Bummer. He doesn’t want to talk to me either as he finds it depressing to talk about how depressed he is. I don’t know how serious this is as he isn’t communicating much. What to do. Send positive stuff, love and warmth. What else….I could ask ….could visit if he wants. I don’t know. I sent him the list too, but not sure how much is getting in. I feel sad about the situation, knowing he is suffering just now.

Answered an extensive unhappy email from current client. Doesn’t like wall cope colour, even though she chose it and the work has been done. She withheld payment last week too. It just took me an hour to answer her extensive points. And potential conflict looming. That chewed me up a little inside doing that though far less than in the past I’m observing with gratitude. Feeling stable despite noticing stress.

My son’s situation and that client weighed a little heavily yesterday and I had to consciously work at staying present and not go into imagining the worst in the case of my son and of conflict in the case of the unhappy client, which I know would only stimulate completely unnecessary stress.

So I went back to my list. And it soothed a little.

I love you

I respect you

I care about you

I want the best for you

I appreciate you

I like you

I value you

I’m here for you

You are held

You are safe

You are not alone