On this rollercoaster of acclimatising to Covid I’m experiencing very vivid intense dreams, leaving me baffled and emotionally hungover in the morning. so real that waking up is disorienting.
About ex’s mostly. Ex’s I don’t even think about. I have no idea why, other than one scene/experience which was a full on hug that felt oh so very good.
Otherwise I’m in a limbo. A waiting time.
I want to act and yet the impetus is not arriving. I have no idea why, only that it’s a continuation of what I’ve been experiencing for a while before Covid hit. So I’m being patient. Navigating anxiety when the thoughts run away with me. And also bliss when I stop to smell the fresh air in the woods, hear the birdsong see the bluebells carpet the forest floor as the whole place becomes fresh green
I can go up or down mood-wise depending on how I choose to interpret and frame each moment. Very aware that negative framing leads to lowering my mood, and neutral or positive interpretation creates more stability and less rumination and more motivation.
Motivation for just keeping the house clean, watering plants, doing the washing. Wiping surfaces. Dishes into the dishwasher and out. Noticing how much the cleaner did now that she isn’t here. I’m full of new appreciation. Getting and cooking food. it’s very minimal the motivation just now. Very minimal.
Small experiences each day that nurture me at the moment :
Not expecting much from myself
Appreciation of the new silence
Watering the plants.
Going for 2 cycles a day in nature. Down woodland trails, along the river, pausing to watch newts float in the sun, to photograph beauty to share on my local park fan page.
Maintaining the project my team of now only 2 men are on
Taking vitamins and Omega 3
Allowing my brain to read as much as it wants about Covid. Watching cuomo’s press briefings, and sometimes Trump and the U.K. government. So keeping up to date with developments, somewhat obsessively. I’m goi g with this and imagining interest will wane.
Continuing with my psychotherapy course, a month or two before I’m fully qualified. I have a sense new doors will appear there. And old ones will close quietly behind me.
Looking after the dog and so enjoying having company on this lockdown. It’s great to have her here to love and talk to and to receive love too. And playfulness.
Meeting a friend once a week for a socially distanced walk and great deep chat. Enjoying precious spontaneous meetings in the park with other people.
Keeping in touch with people. Enjoying talking to My son who is happy stranded in Mexico, my friends M and P. Looking out for a local older friend a little, phoning my mum, talking to people I haven’t been in touch with recently.
So that’s it. Watching how the mind is framing day to day life and not letting it drag me around too much. Especially the catastophising about the future which is a temptation I give into at times and end up full of anxiety. Keeping healthy and exercised. minimising responsibility and maintaining those I have to do.
Something is cooking here for many of us while we wait and new unimagined options will emerge.