Pause and Connect

Grounding in the body I feel the body’s weight sitting in the chair, the feet on the ground. I place a hand on my heart and say hello. I’m here with you, I’m your friend. It feels comforting. In my body I notice anxiety around the throat and solar plexus. It’s strong. It hurts. I stay with it. It’s swirling around the diaphragm area. And in the throat it’s moving around, kind of hot and red. I extend a hand of care. I notice the mind wants me to resist. ‘Stop it stop it it says, this is horrible, do something.

I give that thought a handshake too. I stay. I breathe from low down. The mind wants to comment about what’s in the near future today, that it’s not looking forward to those activities. I handshake that and come back to the present. The sound of cars, the hum of the fridge. The anxiety increases in my throat. I stay with it. It won’t harm me, it’s just uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable.

I ask it if it would like to say anything. It says it doesn’t like all the present moment experiences that are happening. It thinks danger might be ahead that I’m not noticing and taking care of because I’m busy being present in this moment. I thank it for its concerns. I breathe. It starts to subside. I place my hand over my chest with some kindness and breathe again.

There’s a fluttering of energy as the anxiety feeling moves and subsides a little, it sort of just spreads out in the body and disappears as it changes. I notice I’m holding the breath. I breathe again. Both feet on the floor. Back straight. The anxiety comes back to the throat. ‘Hello’ I say. Wow it’s painful to be feeling scared. I breathe again deep down and slow. I get up and go to the fridge for l.casei. I drink that and stay with the feeling. Go to the loo, and still stay present. Quick chat with neighbour.

It’s still here, though less so. Now low level, feeling a tension knot in the tummy now. I put one hand on the heart and the other on the tummy and I say ‘it’s okay you can be here’ to the feelings. I breathe. There’s blue sky, the gentle wooshing sound of traffic, the heating boiler humming. The anxiety has all but dissolved now. It’s noted that while feeling the pain is unpleasant, I am unharmed by the encounter.

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