Awoke slowly and the words of the Gayatri arose again. I am in good company! And I fell asleep last night listening to Tsoknyi Rinpoche’s short talk on dropping into feelings in the body. So helpful and beautiful to listen to as I learn to just be with whatever arises inside without trying to change or control it. Leading to a much more honest meeting with what is going on. Thank you, thank you. What a gift.
Sometimes it’s useful to have conversations with the different parts of ourselves I’ve found.
To the part inside, that for convenience I call my ego, living in the present and surrendering to the flow is an idea that evokes nothing less than dread. It can sort of go along with the rough idea in principle yet when it realises the implications of following through on that way of living it slams the breaks on.
‘What what what no planning head, no trying to control anything, no impressing anyone, no competing, no trying to get better stuff?! What, just allow, relax and surrender and breath and TRUST! Just trust! Are you mad. Trust what, I’m all you’ve got Susan I’m your pal, I’ve been looking out for you all along…..’
The me that is deeply stable constant and observes it all including the ego’s and all the responses thoughts and feelings….Yes, surrender fully. Trust. There’s no separation. It’s safe. It’s okay. You know that. Let go.
Yesterday there was an attempt to carry out a work task which did not work due to lack of manpower on site, 2 off with covid. So postponed till Monday. Then met P and her dog and a walk up the river, had a sit and chat and coffee for a few hours.
Peaceful and quiet here. I have just spoken to a new therapy client and responded to another new enquiry. It feels so right for me in this space. I think I’ll drop an advert and see what happens, life seems to be wanting me to go in that direction.