Had a big fat one this week. Inside expansion and unravelling of illusions being reflected outside. The obstacles are coming hard and fast, and each step of my surrendering seems to evoke more.
This week my commitment to surrendering has increased and so have the outer obstacles. The more time I spend in ‘open aware space’ it brings an army of outer difficulties to show me what either no longer fits with who I really am and what I’m simply attached to.
Outcomes are not going the way I desire them to go. Lots of them! Bang bang bang. Lots going ‘wrong’. Pressing buttons of various fear flavours.
When I’m calm and centred these obstacles seem like nothing, like clouds passing in a wide open sky. When I don’t resist the pain. That takes a conscious step, as my reflex is to shrink back from pain.
Then a couple more obstacles arrive and I tip into resistance and I hurt. Then the stress creates a physiological momentum and I have to ride it out. While stating my intention to surrender. And I find the courage of desperation to submit and admit I am powerless to control what is going on around me. Saying ‘I feel fear’ helped a lot as much of the pain is caused by not wanting to accept what I’m feeling.
I then become accepting and then calmer with the ‘what I don’t want’ that’s happening.
The goal is to welcome everything that is happening no matter what.
Excerpt from a Brianna West book.