I’ve been submerging myself in fully surrendering to the vibrant emptiness and silence of me. All emphasis on happenings on the outside world mostly dropped. A time of commitment to going further. I have had reading playing from ancient Dzogchen texts on almost constantly. On headphones as I walked through the woods I listened to ‘The Last Statement of Garab Dorje’ which is over 1000 years old and contains the deepest essentials. It had a profound effect on me and quietened me deeply.
I notice right away I start being more spontaneous again, coming from a less constricted and from a freer place again. Confidence building in myself acting from this place. Trust that I can handle the consequences of making decisions not from fear and from trust instead. It’s having a palpable physical effect too.
All that depth and high energy fatigued me and I had to rest and slept for an hour in the afternoon. What a ride this is into totally in chartered waters. I’m being well supported in this process. Guides who I can interact with and of course the wisdom left behind by others not here now. It’s the scariest thing, and I’m so grateful for this help, company and handholding. Though the latter ….this really is something done on ones own.
The outside world is still doing its thing, business, bills, staff falling out…whatever. I took some actions and decided not to take other actions. It just doesn’t seem so big today now that I’m back in a more still place inside. Thoughts are easier to just notice and drop, as are feelings.
A visit from a friend resulted in us going deeper than we have ever been in conversation. I see how the world is a mirror of what is going on inside me.
I listened to this from the Simply Always Awake channel on YouTube. He talks about the discomfort and even terror of surrendering. This was spot on for today. I watch all his short talks on awakening. So very helpful.
I sat by the river for an hour just being in peace and noticing leaves drifting off the trees onto the still water surface.
‘Make use of this spaciousness,
this freedom and natural ease.
Don’t search any further
looking for the great awakened elephant,
who is already resting quietly at home
in front of your own hearth.
Nothing to do or undo,
nothing to force,
nothing to want,
and nothing missing’
By Gendun Rinpoche
Learning to Rest with it All 