Day 4

This is another moan, so probably not that interesting. Got up at 9am thinking I could make an effort to allow normality to arrive back. No way. I can barely sit here at the table. Sleep is awful just now, waking up with a throat that feels like a raw wound, afraid to swallow. I’m in pain right now I’m not sure I can even write this. My ears and throat are severely hurting, like red hot sore. And swallowing even saliva or water is like razor blades. Then when I have to cough, wowee, so sore. I feel nauseous and have a screaming headache. Resting is even sore. And Exhausted. Pretty wild! No walks for the dog, though she has been okay with being let out twice a day for a her toilet.

Is this was a severe flu is like? I think so, I sort of remember it as a child. It’s an odd listlessness that accompanies this illness. Nothing entertains, I don’t have any focus or energy or intelligence to take anything in.

I’d love to be over curled up at the river in the fresh air, but no way can I get there just now. Plus it has been raining for 2 days so probably not wise under the circumstances. Feeling a bit disappointed that my uncle came to dinner coughing. My reaction on hearing him cough was ‘oh no’ and a little surprise. I don’t know why I didn’t walk out, didn’t want to spoil the occasion, make a big deal. He wasn’t certain it was covid anyway but we all knew it was. He didn’t want and still doesn’t want to do a test, means limiting movement.

This is the worst discomfort I’ve experienced for a very long time.

And yet within these multiple symptoms, there’s warm air all around me, a comfy sofa, a lovely Irish blanket, a cushion for my head. A fed dog. We are safe and dry. I’ve got friends and family around keeping me company on the phone. And my mum is coming down to take the dog away and bring some throat lozenges. Appreciating her help.

I’ve been meditating a lot and finding it particularly difficult just now. So much mind wandering while in this state. I wonder why that is. Head is very unfocussed. There’s noticeable cognitive impairment.

Later- my kind mum brought me some amazing prescription spray that is helping with the throat. What a difference. To be able to swallow juice and to cough without it being quite so painful. And good not having the dog here, one less responsibility just now when I can’t do that. I’ve had a relatively comfortable last 4 hours. Same thing happened last 2 days too, afternoon I felt a lot better then into evening and at night brought a bad reaction and I wake up feeling beaten up.

I guess now I know what Covid is like! Never in my life have I been incapacitated like this for days on end. I haven’t been out or driven or anything of course. And that will probably last a while.

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