Back from the Wilds

To feel oneself in a different environment, and experience how I orientate now. That was all very interesting. Do I embrace all or reject parts? A bit of both. Though I found myself to be very still. I could sit in one place for hours and hours, and people would come and go, and my needs were very few. I was quiet on the outside too, gentle and listening to others a lot. Very deep stuff being shared around me.

On the west coast in quite a remote village which I’ve visited for nearly 40 years, though not often over the last 5. I have several good very long term friends there. A people oriented visit, and that was also interesting for my experiment to feel myself with those I’ve known for 40+years.

There’s P who is a 75 year old magical spiritual man who spends whole days naked in the old walled garden where he lives and grows strawberries for the area. He has cultivated an enormous collection of very old large bonsai trees, quite a sight those are. Here an old entrance into his garden. We had a magical walk together through nature along the shore among old trees. Beautiful. Always feel so safe with him. His son had recently died and he shared about that and I listened.

There’s A, who is the Laird’s daughter and she had 2 kids way back with my next door neighbour growing up and now dear closest of friends, J. She and I have a solid history and we have intense catch-ups. She is a practical intelligent hard worker and busy with the social upliftement of the area.

There’s Ali, another one I’ve known since I was 18, also in his 70s now, gorgeous, happy, stylish and a talented designer and aesthetic connoisseur with a beautiful Received Pronunciation voice too like A. Saw his ex J too a couple of times.

There was J’s new friend S, who captivated me every day I was there, what an interesting extrovert with a book of a life story, bright entrepreneur, cares for her disabled son and dad with Parkinson’s and general life and soul of the party lovely open intelligent alive uninhibited person.

There was Scottish dancing too outside the pub and there were new people. The dog was happy to be outside, and I got quite a lot of sunburn the first day from sitting out for 4 hours listening to people’s life stories.

And me amid all this swirl, feeling very stable and balanced. The hotel was ridiculously terrible, like Faulty Towers, and yet I slept so very well. That was a joy, to not have the sleep broken. Sound of a cuckoo, an owl at night…

Not like here, the noise woke me again last night several times even with ear plugs. This too shall pass I say to that, trying not to will it away too hard, lest I miss the training opportunity of it.

There was a stop on the way at some standing stones, thousands of years old. The whole area is peppered by these and a circle and burial chambers called cairns I think.

Eating was a bit hard. Only thing the body liked was veg soup, little bit of cake, and toast and marmalade. I hardly ate or drank anything, not even all that much tea. 2 small glasses of one night, which I stopped when I started feeling it. Not much internet use.

How did I find I was with myself? I was pretty calm, and happy and stable. And noticeable was a fear arising from this well-being. Is it safe to be this happy? This is so unfamiliar still, yet so very familiar, to feel free and secure amid the uncertainty, there’s a memory of it, like a coming home feeling. What of that bubbly chatty personality I sometimes have? That was quieter. I suppose it doesn’t fit well with the inner stillness. Though I notice it can come out when I’m enthusing about aspects of the inner revolution.

There’s that part that thinks it’s missing noticing some approaching danger while busy being relaxed and happy. Learning to trust it. It’s all dangerous! People die all the time.

Work sort of carried on, 2 therapy clients in the mornings each day which went well. One outside at a table. That was an experiment to see how doing therapy is while travelling…or living there perhaps. Also the other business, answering clients and paying bills continued. Dog walks

All in all, it was incredibly people oriented with half the time spent alone. Thinking I’ll go an get a lodge for a week and see how that is.

I gossiped a bit I noticed. There was a little self doubt about myself doing that. Some motive pondering. Belonging. Room for correction noted.

Slow living this is. I’m seeing the thoughts as they arise, noticing them. The spaces between them are long. I’m in this spaciousness. Very tired too. On the sofa under a blanket, whole body just wants to relax deeply.

I listened to Eckhart Tolle’s new book on the way back down and also while I was there. It was and is marvellous. chapter 25 especially.

My son’s gf texted to ask for a Buddhist book recommendation and I sent her a Tsoknyi Rinpoche audiobook. Glad about that.

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