Paradise

A long time in nature again, over tree trunks through abundant flowers and all around are layers upon layers of the freshly green trees….up little hills, scrambling up and down banks. Burrowing into the deep leaves of a steep bank high over the river and resting, and playing too, sliding down the hill on my bum. And long periods of time spent staring, looking, being present to it all, to me in it all unseparate. All me. Emptiness and full to the brim.

The beauty of it all soothes the part that feels out of a job. It feels left out, nothing to think or solve or act on for it. It’s learning to be okay with this. It’s kind of shocking. It’s so immense.

In the company of E, and he too was silent for long periods absorbing and appreciating. Then to another park for breakfast and another walk through more of paradise, waterfalls and old oak trees. And then to a third park, our nearby one, and to the cafe for a drink and flapjack and feed the crow. Tired, deep down satisfied, hard to even speak at points. Some mutual appreciation of friendship on the way home too, nice.

Today is my birthday, 58. Almost wrote 48 there, which feels equally true! The car valet is here, he tells me of his woes, I send him care.

There’s a potential new client to see this morning. Then a visit to my mum’s. And a walk and talk in the park client this afternoon. Eckhart Tolle book club tonight. All is well. Learning now how to be and fully be with this wellness.

I awoke this morning in a slightly disoriented state, the personality grabbed it and called it a low mood. Not really, it’s just what I was experiencing in the woods without the beauty of nature to soothe. The expansiveness can feel intimidating to a part of the little me. A kind of other worldly peace. Right here and now though.

I’ve been looking after that part, reassuring her with a hand on the chest and ‘I love you, I’m here for you, you’re safe’. All the parts relaxing and coming on board.