Want to go over this in more detail. So we had this harmonious few hours of complete clarity and grace yesterday Norman and I and in that state together. Where everything fell perfectly into place, next to zero contraction experienced, oneness with all around us sensory wise, no separation, pure direct experiencing.
No chitter chatter crappy filler conversation….and that’s when I said out loud this is enlightenment. I know saying that added a layer of conceptual thought in definition though I wanted to say it out loud, to make the point to myself and N. That this is ‘it’, that which has always been present, this ordinary, this accessible and this at ease.
And also this safe….and went on to have a chat on the bench about the fear of allowing this happiness – the part inside that has resisted it as it has become used to vigilance, and a certain physiological alertness – in preparation for danger. That’s our childhood stuff. So just noticing that there’s no loss of safety despite a relaxing of hyper vigilance, a kind reassurance for the inner child.
Then I watched the inner reaction to see what was there on response to the state. I was present enough not to dilute or dissolve it and to allow the intensity of the high energy. Later I came back here and relaxed and that was full easiness. I wondered how my unconscious would sabotage it, or if it would, but suspecting it would and it did.
After sofa resting and reading and business stuff I headed back to my usual park and got a call from N who was there already, and then he passed me to M so she is also there. I found myself in both their company. So I was answered, to the question of how will I respond to this high glimpse of enlightenment energy. I chose to find myself in a situation that I know doesn’t work for me, sandwiched on a bench between two people who both talk over each other. I had a quiet and noticeable to me reactiveness of being withdrawn and introverted quite tiring….
Then in the evening a really long deep text interaction with my son. that was pretty bloomin marvellous to see his responses so thorough and engaged and brutally direct and honest. Might paste the whole thing here if I can later.
Another very broken odd sleep going between the sofa and bed and navigating the noise upstairs. That’s not even a complaint – in a way I’m enjoying the change of routine. And it’s compatible with the inner changing states going on during the day I think, maybe blurring the boundaries as there’s regular daily catch up naps.
Its not sustainable though and I got in touch with the area housing officer who is their landlord upstairs and he was surprised his department haven’t laid underlay and carpet yet. So he got onto it and apparently it’s going to be all done on Monday and Tuesday next week. Which is interesting as I’ve booked 2 days away up the west coast for exactly those days so will miss all the nail banging. How about that for divine choreography. Thank you very much.
Learning to Rest with it All 