Deep Fatigue, and some Self Concern

I don’t have a clue what to say today! I’m so bushed, too tired to write even. Maybe this is a moan coming on though I am not sure why – I feel pretty happy.

9am and not even dressed yet. Been feeling almost as if in some sort of coma since last night when I got home. I’ve had chronic back pain for actually years now and I don’t even acknowledge it – and I probably need a new mattress. I spend time walking but always need to sit, not for a rest though like that but because standing and walking is so painful after a short while. I don’t sit on my sofas I lie on them and have a cushion propping my knees up. In the woods and fields I after lie down on my side for the same reason, relief of pain. Can’t believe I’m only just saying this out loud.

Plus my eating habits, they are deteriorating. Whatever is going on inside has removed much of the appetite and now I don’t want to eat much. Except sweet things and treats that is…which I do often. I’m in a muddle with food just now. No routine at all.

Also maybe I’m feeling the effects of the whirlwind of activity this week? Even though some my days , a good hour or two or three are spent sitting by a river’s edge or outside having tea, not exactly taxing stuff. Lot of juggling though I suppose and changing channels inside. I even wondered if I was ill on the sofa this morning. From 5am too 8am just laying flat out with cushion under knees dead still in my back.

That last counselling session at 3pm was super draining, up a lot of hills and also the conversation level. She doesn’t want to talk deep, wants a friend mostly, and a listener to details. I can do that, it’s just what happens to the energy level when I have to just listen only. It’s okay, if that’s what helps and what she needs. I have another client like that who is just wanting a friend to help through the loneliness of a bereavement.

I’ve had to request a delay to this morning’s therapy client. Then got a new design client across town to see. The find a spot by the river probably.