I’m compiling a list of companies and service providers and individuals who I’m going to write to and thank. Things like the postal service, I want to let their boss know what excellent employees they are. People like the bin men too, the staff at Lidl. Thinking of keeping it impersonal – as in not friends and family for now. Might change that at some point. But thinking of all those that don’t get thanks in jobs that I depend on and appreciate.
I started this yesterday. I called back the garage to say a big thank you for a job well done and how much I appreciate their excellent service. And yesterday I wrote a letter of appreciation to the local bakery for their excellent quality control and service, and lovely staff. I’m thinking of inviting a depressed client who feels he has little positive impact on the world to join in. Will ponder o]about that for a bit before I ask him. Keeping in mind that depression is a hard one for me to empathise with so being careful.
7.30am and in bed here listening to a short talk on Jung, it’s really good.
I’m feeling some emotional pain right now and it’s been present since the evening yesterday. A disquiet, a noticeable tightness in the heart and chest area too. Disappointment is being experienced that my lovely Edinburgh client has become quite hostile towards the men finishing the project and indirectly towards me too I suppose. Interesting to notice what a dampening effect on my mood it has.
Not getting what I want. I want everyone to be happy.
That’s one of my recurring lessons. I get pretty stressed and anxious when people are being displeased, hostile or annoyed with me – and an example of this often manifests when the client is unhappy with the men’s work. Thank you for this lesson life! I’m surely going to learn it one of these days and so won’t have to keep repeating it.
What is this lesson? To be at ease while people are angry with me.
There’s also a clash of personality types with many of these super wealthy clients. They get to that position through certain personality traits, ones I don’t share with them, like high levels of neuroticism and extreme levels of conscientiousness. And that can all start to emerge after a long period of time like this on a project.
Got my car back yesterday all fixed, with the help of an who ferried me around. Went to the new site and had a good chat with M and S. Then met P in the park and we had a couple of hours in nature in the sunshine, then eating breakfast and ice cream on a park bench. It was what, just what is was. Just like everything is what it is. Then I went to the other park and met N for a relaxed afternoon cup of tea and chat. Again, was what it was.
Then back here for a counselling session with my elderly bereaved lonely client. I’m just being a friend to her as much as I can, slightly cheerful mildly interesting company and giving her lots of interest and attention. Best that I can achieve I think.
Today I have a therapy client then a garden meeting at the new site with the client and her outdoor gym designer…and I have a 3pm walk and talk session with another counselling client. One with severe mental and physical disfigurements, low mood and aggression. I am out of my depth as a therapist here, I told her mum that already….and will do my very best to help ease her suffering.
Been doing some more conscientious breathing through the nose only recently now that I have read more about the importance of it for the nervous system. I’m doing it right now.
Being present. I feel the weight of the body on the chair and feet on the floor, the warmth of the fire, the hum of the heating and whiff of the traffic. There’s gotto be a poem in there !
Here’s a few of the garden in Edinburgh. It’s still to get 2 white Lutyens benches at each end and the sculpture.
And this is how it was before we arrived
Learning to Rest with it All 