Feeling Blessed

Another day, and perhaps one of allowing this peace inside and presence to continue, let’s see what I do with this visitation of grace.

Holiday Monday, so less traffic outside today, quiet and the rain is falling. I’m finding nothing mood lowering about it being grey and rainy, it’s just some weather conditions. It’s enjoyable to notice how different perception is when I’m this clear.

Eckhart Tolle has been playing since 6am, reminding me and reminding over and over. There’s ease, joy, very low stress and a part of me is observing the responses to this beneficial wellbeing as I’m experiencing it.

In the past I’ve resisted harmony and peace…..the nervous system did not know how to relax with it. It preferred drama. Each time the cycle comes round again, there’s an opportunity to allow it more fully, to relax into and surrender. Actually it’s the exact same mission with a stress and adversity experience, also an opportunity to surrender into being present. This is just a different and less familiar flavour.

A solitary day again yesterday, a big long walk by the river nearby, didn’t use the car. Stayed out for 4 hours, walking, photographing flowers, watching martins going in an out of their nest in the river bank, sitting enjoying various views, having lunch, chatted to various people,on the say, and went to the allotment too. Experiencing it all as a whole, feeling the movement of the water in my body, the trees, the ducks, the people. Got a lovely surprise, the meconopsis has started flowering.

The outdoor cafe was relatively crowded and I was noticeably at peace with it. Sitting thinking wow, this is unusual for me. Normally I’d avoid or feel stressed by so many people. I just felt at ease with whatever was happening, and enjoyed the people watching and a little light interaction.

This feeling of consistent being ness and presence is bigger than anything I’m encountering either inside or outside, it is completely accommodating of everything, and unmoved by anything too. So interesting.

There’s a retreat too going on, other people I know, it’s minimal interaction to just occasional texts and encounters. Maintaining politeness levels of chat. I didn’t answer a call last night from a dear old friend who only calls when drunk. There’s bit of FB interaction with friends and family when I post nature walk pics.

It’s all okay, just how it is. Nobody that I know with the exception of E is on this path of becoming fully conscious. That’s weird…..what else is there to do other than dive fully into the fathomless depths of being!

Nearly zero interaction with my son who seems to have lost the plot into the land of alcohol and drug abuse. There is a raised stress and concern level when I turn attention to that, so I don’t. Especially as the line of communication has been shut by him for now.

Both appointments cancelled today. It was going to be a new walk and talk therapy session in the park, then my garden client. And now it’s a free open day of I don’t know what. Been doing a little tidying, clearing, cleaning the last few days.

Water avens
Bird cherry
A 15 minute walk from my apartment.

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