I thank the dog for letting me into her space and tickle her tummy as she lies back so very very relaxed. I hold her big hairy paw and marvel at the beauty and aliveness of her. This moment I’m being here appreciating it all. I’m showing up for life. There’s calm and ease, there’s comfort, there’s safety and electricity and good company. Another great sleep, around 10pm till 5am seems to be ideal. Gratitude for that sustenance.
When I go off into thought, it’s much more noticeable. Often it’s the pain of doing that which alerts me, and I return. Other times I just notice I’ve split off my attention from the present and gone ‘out to lunch’, not really here.
I look at the water and there’s no separation, no me, I am the water, same with the smells of the wild garlic, the birdsong. It was 4 hours in the park yesterday – I walked in at 11 and back out after 3. I took it slow and meandering, and enjoyed practicing being present in the senses, noticing, leaning in to each moment and letting go. A sit on this bench and pause, then on another in the walled garden…Then soup and ice cream lunch on another bench and then sunbathing for hours on the lawn of the house with a young woman I had started chatting to on a nearby seat. Then we went to the river and let the dog cool off.
It was even quite a bit too hot, what a surprise that was. We felt relaxed with each other. We ended up in a deep sharing of the overcoming of conditioning and awakening to ourselves process. She in recovery from substance abuse and I did a lot of listening, a tough rough chaotic childhood. I note how I seem to find those from such circumstances. Like, it’s almost everybody I know and have ever known. What is that all about then. Is that like attracts like, was mine that chaotic and damaging? Doesn’t matter I suppose, just curious.
Then back for a counselling session with a lovely long term client and a warm goodbye too…
And now it’s shower time and I will endeavour to be fully here for it all. There are many work tasks lining up I can hear them in the background….and I’m stubbornly staying present and not getting seduced. So far.
Well that shower was a mixed success for the staying in the present. An idea came to invite my son over for my birthday then up the west coast with me the next day…and off I went…that’s okay.
How will the jury duty on Wednesday, the dog groomer on Wednesday and a visit to edinburgh and a brand new job to start all resolve? I have no idea. Let’s see. I’m playing dumb for now. Duhhh. No clue, beginners mind. I don’t know how all this works.
Today I think it will be a walk in the park with E after the morning therapy client.
Learning to Rest with it All 