“Not having a problem with having a problem is to be carefree
Not being uncomfortable about being uncomfortable is comfort
Not being afraid about being anxious is trust
Not being ashamed about being embarrassed is self-esteem
Your attitude to your emotional truth sets you free”
From an anonymous Twitter account that I follow.
Here I am drinking tea in bed at 6.30am and appreciating being propped up by comfy pillows with a cosy duvet, a little light through the window. Body relaxed. And near silence all around. Letting it penetrate, breathing from low down in the body. A morning greeting visit from the happy dog. “Hello beautiful being”.
A new day arising. The mind starts to dart around anticipating. I breathe again. There’s a tension, an intense intimacy in the present I am noticing. The mind wants to veer away sharply from it. I stay, using the senses to help. There’s the odd passing vehicle. The body weight on the bed being felt.
I listen to Tilopa’s 6 words of advice “Don’t recall, don’t imagine, don’t think, don’t examine, don’t control, rest.”
And in complete contradiction to that advice……Lovely visit to the Edinburgh site yesterday, upbeat chat with the men. Then to the stone merchant’s yard also quite far away to get some stone and cutting ordered. Grounding in the density of stone.
Lot of motion and driving. Then to the park after that where I land in nature, the trees birds warmth river….and met up with N with whom I had a lovely chat and tea. Sharing our secrets from the past. And back for some drawing and designing….and then it’s the Eckhart Tolle book club meeting with 2 new friends. We read, we share our experience, we are nurtured by each other.
Today it’s an early meeting with this next client and the builder to discuss the project. The mind identifies uncertainty and anxiety arises. I stay with that feeling sensation of the anxiety in my throat and in the solar plexus area and chest, “Hello, I feel you. You can be here.” I say kindly to it. I just be with it here and now. No thoughts. Just the sensation of it. Open heart to it. Receptive to it, maybe it wants to say something? It can be here. It’s a little uncomfortable and it can’t harm me. No need to act in any way on it.
A little temptation to expect this as an antidote, since I know now from experience this tends to ameliorate the suffering of feeling it. It’s doesn’t matter. It does shift anyway, since lack of expectation and allowing are present.
I empty the dishwasher, and feel the texture, weight and temperature on my hands of the glass, the China, the plastic, the bamboo. I’m grateful for this marvellous machine and thank it. I eat some olives and marvel at the taste explosion. Now some dried prunes, what a texture.