More Contrast

I saw a good potential job yesterday though I may have blown it by what I said. They have a little dog that regularly bites their 5 year old, not just nips either, proper ones which break the skin. The girl showed me the latest damage.

I find myself asking the woman what sort of message this is giving to their child about her worth and value by making this decision to keep this biting dog? I pondered out loud what kind of psychological damage might be made. That a dog trainer might help.

She said the dog belonged to the deceased mother of her husband and is very precious to him. That it’s the cause of major arguments between them.

Wow, that was bold of me and pretty blunt when you are attempting to secure a new client! So I get the sense that my comment could very well be passed to him with another argument ensuing. And me getting their job maybe not on the cards. He might feel judged by me. Oh well. Sent an email with the design price anyway. It’s a pretty fabulous large old house.

I’ve had a couple of days of being here and now, focusing only on what is being felt and experienced in each moment and disallowing random thought wandering. Accepting feelings of anxiety as they arise. Then they don’t arise so much in the present moment. I experienced the difference. The space, the extra bandwidth of life with love. The reduction of fear to nearly zero.

I lost touch with Presence last night. The fears came rushing back in between the sleeping and awake state at 3am. Full of future pain anticipation, the mind tries to warn me about what can go wrong.

It’s true, difficulties could be on the horizon. The time is getting closer to the end of this job and still nothing for the week after in place. I’ve been working hard to find work, have been very busy seeing several potential clients and giving prices. Doing what I can. Got another potential one today.

I know in the present that I slow right down. Here, right now, there’s oceans of space for solutions to appear, for action to be taken, for challenges to be faced without any fear at all. Complete well-being whatever is happening.

The choreography of The Force is playing brinkmanship with me. “Hold…..hold…..” like in Braveheart. Can I hold my nerve to the edge, as my feared outcomes come closer on the timeline? Will I succumb to them or will I up my surrendering and trust and faith that all will be well and all is as it should be? What a training ground life is.

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