The will to remain conscious is strong just now. Thank you very much to the pain of imagined adversity for that increase in my willingness to stay in the present.
It feels so safe. The only ‘danger’ comes from letting my conscious attention drop and then it can go off into believing the mind’s own fearful imaginings. I can choose to notice any time I wander off and come back to the present.
Yes the neighbours woke me again and it’s loud and goes on all day. I feel the discomfort of that. There’s long breaks of silence to enjoy and I don’t have to add discomfort. Be with the discomfort. Use it as an opportunity. Michael Singer Surrender Experiment style. Give it up. I’ve work to do with that when the irritation comes. I haven’t given up my right to be annoyed yet.
It is ridiculous that I even get annoyed. They now can’t walk and need mechanical contraptions to get to the toilet and a small army of helpers to keep them alive. And I’m getting annoyed about the noise of their increasing struggle! Omg. And I love and accept myself fully, including that I get irritated.
I’m exercising much more agency here, and noticing when thoughts haul me about the timeline zipping into the future and the past. I get an emotional reaction to them as if it is true and then suffer. But it’s not real, or actually happening in this moment.
I come back. Noticing the weight of the body as I walk in the morning air. The freshness smelled. Notice the sun light up the buildings. I get lost in thought over and over and come back.
The dog notices I’m back and present again, and we play. I’d withdrawn the last week much of the time, in fearfulness. Fear overshadows love and playfulness, makes me tighten up in contraction.
Today, for now, in this moment I’m like the Buddha in this picture. Able to witness the temptations and I don’t move off my seat of being present. It’s nice to be here.
Long still meditation feeling and noticing just the presence of consciousness, of being alive, 5-6 this morning in bed. Reading and listening to nutritious material only.
I have little forays into AI developments here and there and also to the emerging news about what happened during covid with the lockdowns and vaccines. It’s odd to watch that…I’m curious about how the population are reacting. How much the authorities will admit getting wrong, and how of a wake up call it is.
To just be with discomfort and allow it. There’s an explosion of energy that seems to come from the release, as if compressed energy has been set free. It is incredibly strong healing medicine being in the present. And so easy to forget. There’s so many moments in a day available. It takes agency and intention to let go to the present and interrupt the habitual thinking patterns.
-grounding. Sitting on a log outside, lying in thick leaves, noticing the weight while walking and sitting
-breathing. Low down conscious abdominal breathing
-using the senses as a gateway to being in the present – what is felt, heard, seen….
-dropping into feeling sensations in the body and turning towards them with a friendliness and acceptance and open receptivity
-noticing thoughts, being consciously aware of what is being thought about. Being consciously aware of the silent aware spaciousness behind thought.
-turning towards myself with acceptance and love. Saying my name out loud in different voices, feeling into being me and loving her. Saying I love you Susan in the mirror. Putting a hand on my chest or abdomen or both and sending kindness.
-using a mantra, the Gayatri mostly and some other ones too.
-prayer, surrender and devotion to the greater intelligence system
-reading and listening to and watching mostly only the wisest material. Actively not paying attention to the news and media. So only following wise people on Twitter, hardly use Facebook, no news channels. Definitely no TV. Occasional binging of a quality series or good film – bit of escapism time out allowed!
-exercise in nature every day.
-going to sleep really early and awake early. The people upstairs actually helped with that, as I’m working around their hours to grab the most quiet hours for sleep.
-going outside immediately after getting dressed, before tea or hair or anything else. Feeling into the city before everyone else gets up and the traffic starts.
What the heck is going on in the world? It is all changing very rapidly. A sense that’s speeding up too. Security of many kinds is being dissolved as an option to cling to. I wonder if it’s a big transition to some other unimagined place. Or am I just projecting my own inner revolution, perhaps.