Sluggish Start


So this post started in one mood and ended in a completely altered one after I interacted in a positive way with one of my clients.

It was Toothache and feeling a bit low after not sleeping well. Woken up a lot last night with this whatever it is they are using to help them walk to the loo being dragged up and down the bare hall floorboards upstairs many times a night. So loud. Got 5 hours.

Can’t be helped, just is what it is just now. Called the housing to check they are still on track and yes they are still going to resheet their whole place and carpet it. Excellent. Got a toothache plan – new dentist appointment tomorrow for the root canal treatment.

Mostly mood effected by being in a limbo. Haven’t heard back from the client I gave the price to. Experiencing uncertainty. Which on some primitive level equates with threat. Agony of waiting for a yes or a no.

What’s the worst that can happen? this might be it for the business. No work, guys laid off, my savings go to pay the debt. And that’s it. There will be difficulties of adjustment and then I’m free. Sort of, there’s debt to hmrc I’d need to deal with. Really don’t want to go bankrupt.

And also have to find a way of making more money to pay the daily bills by increasing the amount of therapy clients I see.

However if I can make it through this summer and get these bills paid off that would be excellent. Then I keep my savings and don’t have to crash and burn the business.

I also feel anxious about finishing this current job off to the client’s satisfaction, she’s having doubts….and also the amount of money it’s costing to complete it without the promise of more money in the pipeline especially. and she has become a sort of friend too which is a layer of some sort of complexity I’m okay with I suppose.

Yesterday a long time between my first client, quick dog walk and meeting my friend S for a walk. Was a bit too long for faffing about indoors for me yet that’s maybe just what I needed. Time out. Except I don’t really, I read. About AI developments, the recent talk of safety. It’s all so exciting and also I want to see what they do with it. Will some authority hijack it as the next big thing for us all to be afraid of….hmm.

That’s a rare occasion these days since she moved to the country. It was so interesting hearing someone’s story of how they minimised stress and maximised doing only what they enjoy. Took a 2/3 pay cut and now does what she loves, and lives on very little £. Her mum paid her mortgage off so that helped, next to no housing costs. I felt encouraged hearing her story.

We went around the park, collected tadpoles for my allotment pond and went over there and had tea in the summerhouse and watched the birds. It was fine, as much as a censored conversation can be for me. Not free ranging with this friend. But we manage. Allotment still quite wintry looking, but frogspawn now in new home.

Got 2 therapy clients this morning then meeting P in the park for a dog walking session and coffee.

At my happiest yesterday –

Seeing therapy client improvement.

Collecting tadpoles and putting them in the pond.

Having love interactions with the dog.

Walking

Hug with S and hanging out

Going to bed

Reading

Unhappiest –

Thinking about the past and future

Talking about business and about my money problems

So it’s an hour or so later and my mood and tone is completely different. After speaking to my therapy client I’m on a altered channel entirely. We talked deep about love and elation ships and family and and and….how we love everyone….attachment theory and types.

More to the point – she made big connections and breakthroughs and I got to both enjoy the delightful company of this very lovable person but also got to feel useful too. Such a great feeling to help people. Others, there are no others really. It’s all us.

Now meeting my next client and we are going to my allotment for a session.

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