Sadness, anger, fear….and allowing

Today it’s raining and I’m still processing a dream which brought up old feelings of sadness and disappointed hopes.

The self love approach is to allow everything to be felt without resistance. Which has a little hurdle – which is – I’d rather not feel sad and disappointed! Resistance to what is happening in other words.

Yet here it is, it is what is happening. The most loving thing to do is to go and feel into it fully.

Hello there, what is going on. It’s a slump in mood, feeling low, sadness residues from happy hopes not realised in the past.

Perhaps brushed aside at the time in order to maintain an optimistic sunny approach and outlook. Which was and is a good defence system against life’s blows – Pick yourself up, and think of the wonderful possibilities ahead. It has worked for me so well. And yet, the price was not allowing the sad or angry or scared side of the feeling spectrum.

So now this is being rectified. I feel sad and I love myself for feeling sad. I feel scared and I love myself feeling scared. I feel angry and I love myself while feeling angry. Turning towards those feelings.

A second opportunity arrived today, early back of 7 a cacophony of thumping upstairs lasted nearly an hour. Irritation arose, though noticeably milder these days. I know it’s a struggling family. They are getting help which is why to noise has increased and I’m glad about that. Why bother being annoyed when people are just doing their best to live. Anger is usually as a result of ‘they shouldn’t be doing that’ type judgment. And that is not appropriate here. It was the root of a lot of my previous annoyance. I get that my sound boundaries are being crossed comfort wise and acknowledge that.

Lady struggling with health must have been given a walker on wheels so now all through the night and all day it’s loud wheels too running up and down on bare floorboards as well as her clomping footsteps and the squeaking and lots of new voices through the day.

I’m now realising how super quiet they have been these last years. Now that the council have discovered how they are living and how poorly they all are and they have intervened. A lot of people coming in to help them. Another team of men removed a room full of rubbish yesterday from their flat. These are big flats but how on earth they managed to store so much rubbish, it must have been floor to ceiling. They filled this truck in the pic up full. Must be number 6.

How a whole family can become so lost and forgotten in the middle of a city like this. Hoarding for years and years, literally never leaving their flat. Terrible quality food delivered every week and very overweight they are. Something traumatic has happened to them in their lives I think. It’s just so strange to be so nearby and live right below. They have always been lovely and pleasant towards me on the few phone calls we have had.

There has to be a metaphor on isolation in there for me….there are no others or out there in a sense….

Yesterday was such a sunny one all day long, and even warm too. Happy chat with J who called in the morning. Went to see the men and the job and that’s all going well. Client happy too. Then to the park and a stroll down the river while having a pleasant talk to my sister. Sat up a tree chatting and a hippy in a boat passé which was unusual.

Back home to a wonderful therapy session with a client all about self love. Then in the evening our new Eckhart Tolle Power of Now book club which was also enjoyable. Some very enjoyable deeply meaningful exchanges all round. AND my son T contacted me which was a relief. He is back in Lisbon. Let’s see what he does next to get out of his hell.

Today a regular therapy client. Courses of 2 different antiobiotics finished ready for the root treatment on Thursday. Progressing this next job….new 3d visuals arrived.

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