What a full day yesterday. New cleaners arrived and I showed them around. Not sure exactly what they did while I was out, it was supposed to be a deep clean and cost £90. Giving them the benefit of the doubt at this stage since I barely notice mud and dirt which is why I got them in the first place, to keep entropy that I don’t see at bay. So 2 hours twice a month. See how it goes.
Then spent the rest of the day with N’s wife M, whose company I really enjoyed. Big horticulture enthusiast and expert way beyond my level. We got along easily. At the plant nursery for hours and then to the allotment where we remained till well after 6pm drinking tea on my new stove in the summerhouse in the rain watching the birds on the bird feeder. N joined us too and it was just a really really excellent relaxed day.
Now Saturday and up and out into the morning air again first thing. Now at the table a little disoriented, was expecting to see a therapy client this morning only to check my diary and find that it’s a session in the sensory deprivation isolation floatation rank for me this morning! Oh my…..that’s all fine. Quiet, naked, warm and wet awaits in an hour!
Not all roses. I’m back at that time of having to price a job. That place I get stressed about every time nearly. That overshadows at the moment. I do so little work that each job that comes up I really have to get for our survival so I can’t afford to price too high….and stance it’s the only job on the horizon it might not come to fruition and that uncertainty evokes some anxiety.
Also my son is out of contact and not responsive. I’m not sure what to do with that…..get happy I suppose. Is what it is. He’s either happy, sad, depressed, anxious, excited, or even dead or a whole variety of other things and there’s not actually anything I can do. I get scared and then want reassurance and he’s not really like that….so I must learn to stop. Can’t control anything much. Last I hear he was in Malaysia.
I can love myself and the dog and anyone else that comes nearby though.
Learning to Rest with it All 