Dropping down out of the head area and orienting from the heart/chest/midriff/tummy area of the body is remaining with me. I’m doing it while walking, or making tea or taking the bins out or getting into bed. Everything really. I haven’t really found myself going back into my head much so far. Occasionally yesterday there was a half hearted attempt to think about something which seemed pointless and was dropped.
It’s so very different than coming from my eyes and the mind sitting behind the eyes, where I used to seem to be ‘situated’. I’m feeling things much more now I’m in the body.
Maybe what the eyes see now are just taking a secondary role to what is being ‘known/felt through the body sense of experiences. Perhaps that sense used to be more dominant. I don’t know. It’s an interesting experience whatever is going on. It feels very grounded, and fewer thoughts just feeling my way as I go. As if the centre of gravity has dropped. More relaxed. Like a ship with more ballast. Everything seems just fine when it’s allowed to be.
Still having a intense upsurges in tooth pain, like in the evening yesterday it was so strong I was fantasising about pulling my tooth out. It went into my head and the earache was also also intense. I had been out for the day and I suppose the ibuprofen pain killer and paracetamol had worn off. Took about 90 mins to kick back in and I was much better. I need to see the dentist soon soon. And it’s just another experience too. I sat in that pain last night trying to just be with it without resistance, without clenching up or tensing away from it, or contracting. It was helpful, though didn’t effect the pain, it did stop a secondary ‘I don’t want this to be happening’ addition to it.
Also, just to add, how much am I creating this pain amid a relatively happy time of abundance here. It is the result of a series of events in which I participated and acted in. Allowing the tooth to decay for a start. Then needing the deep filling. There are no accidents. and I love and accept myself fully.
Woke at 3am in the night too when the ibuprofen wore off and took some more and eventually got back to sleep. Also another pain killer helped. Though very aware that these are addictive and not a problem I want to give myself. right now it’s a low level hum of pain, very manageable.
It was a beautiful relaxing day yesterday. In the rain I went with my friend P out to the country for a long drive through beautiful landscapes. We stopped for for a walk through a fairy glen at a wonderful magical place and had lunch there outside in the courtyard. Then explored an old abandoned country house, and another little walk long a river and on the way back and other walk down to a Loch side. All very pleasant and our hearts, bodies and the dogs loved it.
Today I have a therapy client quite soon, then I may find myself progressing some design client work. No idea though.
Learning to Rest with it All 