Forgiveness in ACIM states that the ‘sin’ never happened so there’s nothing to forgive. Just an error that wasn’t real anyway, and to be overlooked. We attest to the lack of guilt in another by showing no ill effect.

A part of me gets it fully. With the level of treatment I’ve experienced in this life. I haven’t been tortured or anything so it’s relatively easy for me. I would find it hard to ask someone who has been much more badly treated than me to do that.

Going deep into ACIM again yesterday and this morning. Feeling the peace of receiving help having asked for it. Help to correct my misperception. Im not feeling so alone as a result. Also all the talk of forgiveness releases the tension of holding others as accused of something they haven’t really done, and that includes myself too. Release from guilt. Release from accusation. Forgiveness.

I cleaned up this whole room the other day and the order I see around me is having a positive and restful effect. Feeling oddly disconnected from the world out there recently due to being in a lot. Still have toothache and a headache and a sore leg….body living. Though had a first walk in the park yesterday and the leg held up fine. Place was near deserted though as it was pouring rain.

Therapy client today, then a drive to see the Edinburgh project. Maybe a meeting with E in the snowy park. I’ve been progressing other construction and design jobs slowly, half heartedly maybe. Or is that just a habit of seeing guilt where there is none. I might just be being relaxed and fearless about it. Then getting afraid as a result of giving up fear and calling it something else and then feeling guilty.

In the process of increasing trust there’s a noticeable incremental (for me at least) reduction of fear that occurs.

This is welcome and yet the ego can have a sneaky judgemental back swipe and declare it as lazy negligence, that I should in fact be afraid, that I need the fear to keep myself safe and to stop undesirable things happening.

This is the back and forth of being in an in between stage. The fear of freedom.

Having glimpsed freedom from fear, and able to abide in that state for longer periods. Yet not fully committed to letting it go fully, the illusion of danger, it can return and it brings pain with it. And that’s all part of the learning exercise of altering the trajectory from fear to love and trust. Useful pain. Reminder that I don’t want to be in fear as it’s painful. I ask myself to leap fully. leap….leap….

I have to attest that what I accused another of had no effect on me to make forgiveness complete. That includes everyone I thought had wronged me. Shit, that is pretty much everyone I know actually 😂

Of importance is my mum, who I keep separation going with using my projection of guilt onto her. Time for that to go. That long list of ‘sins’ I have listed.

And the other big ‘enemy’ – the ex, C. Who called me yesterday actually. I somehow can cancel those perceived ‘sins’. Delighted to attest they had no effect on me. Though sometimes extend blame for ending up with a business on my own.

The ‘sins’ didn’t happen because the separation doesn’t exist. We thought we were separate. It’s a fault in our belief. They are me, I am them, and any behaviour acting from separation is simply an error. and on one level didn’t even happen. It’s similar to the idea of us in some simulation believing it to be reality. I’m talking above myself here I know. And I know it’s also true what I’m saying.

It’s so frustrating to know that one day we will look back at all this fear and guilt we have generated and know it wasn’t necessary, there’s nothing to be afraid of and none of us are guilty of anything. I know this…..And yet I continue to generate fear and guilt in my mind. I need to just ask for help with correction now.

I breath and send love and compassion to myself and us all. We are in this together.

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