‘The courage to dance with the tension of the moment’

Dishwasher, central heating boiler and washing machine humming away in the background. I’m feeling supported by the machines and by life here.

In the peace of this morning the underlying vague unease that is almost always present, is more apparent. Absolutely nothing dangerous happening in this moment, and yet I don’t seem to relax fully into and savour, enjoy and relish this safety. Much as I appreciate all that is around me, and nothing terrible is on the horizon, there is uneasy uncertainty.

Could just be this:

The courage to dance with the tension of the moment – of not knowing the who, what, why or how of that moment.
Ngakma Nord’dzin

As I’ve become less fearful, I plan ahead less and less, and that requires I level up on trust. Otherwise the fear as a result of the uncertainty of having no firm plans arranged, comes back and bites me very hard.

I often wonder if I had £200k in the bank it would all be cured and I’d relax fully. Even £100k would do 😂

Actually I’m not very convinced about that. I suspect that residual worry would find something to attach to….health, my boy or something…

So notice the tension of the moment that the body interprets as danger, and allow and relax back behind it. I am safe right now. I’m warm and comfortable and well fed.

Have had 2 therapy clients this morning. First a whole session about consciousness being primary not matter, inspired by the client. An abstract discussion. There’s a difference between fearlessness and feeling safe, she pointed out. The latter is a measure of fear.

The second client was a walk and talk round the park….she is doing super well after being desperately despondent and unhappy. Now has a job of her dreams, getting with the self love practices, looking after herself, money to pay the bills and time to get used to being happy. A challenge in itself after such well worn habits of misery took hold.

Me, I’m having rest and tea. Then out to see a potential new garden design client. Big project potentially, that I turned up for on the wrong day yesterday! And I love and accept myself fully 🙂

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