Quite a bumpy night sleeping for some reason. I woke up wide awake 4 hours later and in rushed money worries and those worry thoughts grew arms and legs.
I’m using the funds of this project money to pay off the last project’s materials. Which means I’m not leaving enough funds to pay this project’s materials and it will be the next project that isn’t remotely finalised that pays this project’s materials, and on and on we go. Constantly in debt and unless I somehow get it to zero this year I’ll be on this merry go round. Unable to bridle the thoughts I take a sleeping pill to knock me out and put on some Louise Hay talking in the background. Awake feeling woozy due to the pill, even though I got 8 hours total.
A new therapy client started yesterday afternoon. A 77 year old who has lost her husband, moved house and has severe anxiety and failing mobility. That was a tough. I introduced her to diaphramic breathing and the very new to her idea of self compassion. That’s enough for a first session.
Then another long term client asked for an emergency session. His sister had attempted suicide. We ranged around about family dynamics, I did a lot of listening to his feelings, and we ended up agreeing that learning to love ourselves is a huge game changer. He expressed how delighted he is to be on that journey and how much better he feels for it.
Then I had a difficult conversation with my old pal S, who already I have a limited window of how much I discuss due to different interests in life. A subject we don’t agree on, and that’s okay. I suppose it goes against the convention of finding consensus on most things. Things change…
Today so far I’ve been sorting the car valet guy who is here just now, paid the men and myself. Ordered all the lighting electrics and pond pumps and filters for the garden project. Texted electrician and guys to let them know. Did some email filing and forwarding invoices to accountant. Did some other banking stuff.
Also reading material on a rationalist site which I’m aware is above my IQ level and a purely materialist perspective. Was curious to discover if I can find a more nuanced approach outside of the heated political realm on the controversial subject of gender.
Invite to the park from N resulted in a mammoth cross country walk with a glorious lying flat out in the field rest, the utter delight of watching a new born highland cow, a nice soup lunch, shopping then home.
Learning to Rest with it All 