Expand and contract and expand and contract, so the cycle goes. Little ones and big ones. In breathing and out breathing. A contraction last night and this morning. I watch as the brain gets activated,
what’s wrong what’s wrong….is it this is it that,
I breathe. Accept. Allow. Hand on chest, I’m safe, I’m here for you, you’re doing fine.
as it scans the environment for potential threats. Can’t find much. Just a vague sense of don’t get too relaxed, it might be dangerous. You could be sore with disappointment if you trust. And a little contraction of sadness arrived. Is still here right now. It seems that all there is to do in life in learn to notice and to relax each contraction as it appears.
Therapy client session was good yesterday – doing more direct action during sessions. I realise if I leave it up to people to try things themselves they might once or twice most of them. But you don’t enjoy the benefits of loving yourself if it doesn’t become a whole new way of being.
That involves regular practise and new habits. Very important. For me to remember too. I’m still learning this.
So using the sessions as practise time with some clients. With their full permission and agreement of course. I asked her to go to the mirror right now to say I love you. We had a good giggle about it. That initial hurdle may never get surmounted otherwise.
Long drive listening to Eckhart Tolle to Edinburgh eating sweeties. And a deep interaction with my design client yesterday, over 2 hours of sharing our spiritual path and realisations. Lovely. Chat with the guys too, the job is going fine.
A slow walk in the woods in the late afternoon…feeling the stillness, the field of being and silence all around. Best part of the day – I lay down in a thick dry bed of leaves and we totally relaxed for a while. I looked up at the bare tree branches watching the birds and squirrels and just let go, arms out and breathed.
I got the design finished yesterday that I’d run out of steam on. That felt positive. Progress. Not many new design clients arriving this year I notice. Are people holding back on spending maybe….no idea. But I am am putting out mixed signals to the universe these days. Want them and don’t want them.
Got a therapy client soon and a new one this evening. In between there will be a walk. And a lot of nothingness is presenting itself today for me to accommodate/dissolve into/make friends with.
Ego observations. Nothing major jumped out, though the subtle ones are just as interesting. Need to be careful the ego itself doesn’t turn this into an internal witch-hunt!
– shared this ego spotting exercise with my design client – was I posturing about how brave I am, and devoted to the truth. Perhaps. Why else would I mention it? And I love and accept myself fully
– withdrawals from deleting my Twitter account were apparent yesterday….I went back on without an account to look at it, like a drug addict. I saw what it feeds in me – the ego loves little hits of outrage from the land of disagreement culture. Politics. Opinions. Just more of the making others wrong so I get to feel more right. This identity gets to bolster itself by taking positions. A fear of missing out on ‘vital’ developments in AI and news. A part of me that likes to have it’s fear increased reading how dangerous AI is going to be.
As the fake identity of ‘self’ dissolves, it tries to reassert over and over by identifying with positions. Feeling afraid for itself is one way.
And I love and accept myself fully.
Learning to Rest with it All 