More Specifics

Awake with tea in bed at 5am again. Love the early to sleep/early to awake cycle I get onto for periods. All that time to myself in a cosy bed, in the near silence of the sleeping city. I use the time to read, listen, make AI art. I watch my vibration become cloudy when I read the news. I watch the part of me attracted to it. That has an aversion to peace.

This morning I’ve been listening to Nisargadatta’s Pure Awareness read by Samaneri Jayasara which I also fell asleep to last night. It’s a beauty. At the kitchen table, dishwasher and heating boiler humming away, dog lying happily, a fire in front of me.

My son is sending pictures from Bali this morning. The lush jungle beauty of it, how I loved Bali, specifically around Ubud. such a spiritual place and the people kind and gentle.

I don’t feel very relaxed today. Not anxious but a little on edge. Went to site yesterday. I went for a lovely lunch at my son’s pal’s Lebanese vegetarian restaurant with my client. Find out she wasn’t too happy about the men are turning up very late and leaving early. I had told them they could use some of the working day for travel since it’s a distance away, but they went too far. So I discussed it and sorted it. I will go through twice a week now too to ensure it’s going smoothly.

Then get back to a mega complaint from an old project that has ground water seeping up through and staining the paving due to the high water table. It’s not an easy to sort issue and I don’t know how much if any, responsibility to take for it. We only discovered while there that the garage builders had big problems with water so it was an unforeseen issue. We have already done a lot of remedial work on it. Still, I get onto it and start reading and that took up a couple of hours and felt uneasy. Already hanging on by a thread financially here, though it should smooth out, cash is tight and the men are working far away. The other job not going ahead means current project has to carry 2 additional men. All that stuff, the specifics.

Then just now I get told one of the guys hadn’t turned up again and he sent a long angry rant about having to travel. So I suggested he find something closer to home meantime and will give him a shout when we are working closer. Spoke to the foreman M and explained and he told me they find him v.difficult to work with anyway. So not exactly a sacking but a strong suggestion he go elsewhere. That’s hard, as he is quite unstable and vulnerable. But I’ve got a business to run.

Meantime my real skills are being used in counselling. 2 powerful and very different sessions yesterday, and giving me much joy to see them untangle themselves. I love the role of encourager, and asking questions that they gain insight from answering.

And even managed a long walk across riverside fields with friend E. we paused and marvelled often, it was a good contrast to all the motorway driving yesterday. Grounding, being with the crows all around in the trees. He got on a fiery rant, when I brought up that it seems like Babylon happening all around us in the western world. It was kind of fun in a way and brought some laughter.

So that’s where I’m up to today. Got a counselling client at 11 in 2 hours. Rest of the day free to do what I choose, maybe finish the design I’m on.

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