Just thinking out Loud

About this and that….thinking challenges through so a chit chat one today. Helps me organise my thoughts.

Had a lovely family meal at my uncle’s with 6 of us. Just really pleasant to be around familiar friendly people. Completely mundane conversation about next to nothing though. Which I can handle for a short while. It was a window into the lives of normal others. I pondered again if those who don’t have much major damage maybe just never feel the need to go deeper. Referencing my sister and her family…just normal surface level interaction. I don’t know if there’s any correlation, and even if that has any causation. I did enjoy that I have a family and to be around familiar people.

Spent much of yesterday intensively costing this next job. It’s a big one, and there’s much at stake. Could underprice it and give myself grief, could overprice and he won’t say yes. Getting a balance of an equitable price. I don’t entirely know what I’m doing either. I don’t know what that is after so long. Perhaps it is the cauldron of my attitude towards money, conflicting goals. Watching for greed in myself, and also wanting to make as much as I can. Fear if I make more the tax bill goes up, that part of knowing how I will handle wealth. It’s unfamiliar territory. Will it go to my head. That old story I’ve been wrestling with for a long long time.

There was a walk with the dog. The need of the dog has felt like a burden at times when I’m this busy. I move and she jumps thinking we are going on. I was very tired, and yesterday’s walk too. I almost laboured along the river, muscles sore, low energy. I just accepted it and enjoyed the dog’s happiness at being out. Partly the weather, the depths of winter all around nature is pretty dormant still. I’m not sure. Started taking my vitamins again yesterday.

I didn’t mean this to be a moan. I’m a little deflated about the fabulous job we started last week. The entire deposit meant for materials I had to pay the vat bill with, having no money after a hard few months and a project just finishing that barely broke even. Which I took because it was all we had on offer. So me again juggling and late paying for supplies.

I don’t really don’t know how to get out of landscaping in the winter. It is a financial disaster nearly every year. Ideally we would work March to November and that’s it. 3 months off of it during the worst weather.

But how to keep a continuity of the the team who would then presumably go off and and and….

I think I’m going to try and exercise of thoroughly exerting into how I’d like things to be, and then ask myself ‘how did you get there?’

Head is a bit full again. Just had a therapy client (discussing celebrating talents and strengths). We also did the body scan and breathing and using the senses ground exercise.

Now a cup of tea before a 45 minute journey to see the men and new client. The client wants us to go for a nature walk. Unusual. We bonded over love of depth psychology and philosophy. My friend E cancelled our usual walk so that’s good as I was going to cancel it. Then I have a business mentor meeting in the afternoon. I have a call from the interior designer on the next job then back to finishing that project costing….and a therapy client in the evening. Busy busy.

Hoar Frost by Paul Evans, acrylic on canvas

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s