Still in Worry


This is what the iChing said to me earlier

Transcending the entire situation = turning away to attend to higher goals. An ability to rise above right and wrong allows you to see the ‘just so’ flow of events where not embroiling leads to acceptance. After letting go one is able to achieve loftier goals.

https://www.cafeausoul.com/

It’s a great site and that was just a perfect message for me this morning. I think it’s referring to my temporary emboilment in the trans issue!

I have indeed found myself getting embroiled, with the trans rights debate. Never paid any attention to it till it dawned on me it’s ridiculous, they simply aren’t women. And you can even get arrested for saying that! They are now legally allowed in women’s prisons, toilets and changing rooms and sports. All a guy has to do is declare he is now identifying as a woman. The incongruence with reality is beyond staggering.

In worry land about work too, money is so very tight. In overdraft. I am not worried when I have enough money to pay the bills. I get worried when I don’t. That’s basically the reason all my distress at the moment. Money. Did get the final design agreed with the client though. And I’m now pricing it to discover it’s £10k more than her budget. I will just be brave.

Worrying about things I know will work out. I know they will and yet I still worry. I have been here so many times. Then I feel guilt about that. I judge myself. I should know better. And if I tell those close to me, I feel even more guilty. When others lack fear it inspires us to go there and I want to be a positive influence to be around.

This is a daily anxiety just now, and here nearly all day long. It’s been almost 2 weeks of it. What an experience. I’m getting reacquainted with what fear does to a person. I am unable to find or read about or listen to anything on a higher level. It keep my energy clamped on a lower survival needs level.

I was relieved a little yesterday, much of the day the anxiety was lower, due to the next job being finalised. Though it isn’t quite till she agrees to the price. Then I can ask for a payment and we are all singing and dancing again.

I asked ChatGPT. Spot-on answer. An inability enter into the objective and instead to get triggered by basic instinctive fears.

On a higher note I love this

In This Pure Awareness
by Khenpo Shenga

In this pure awareness without basis or origin,
How tiresome it seems to practise dos and don’ts!

In this present awareness in which whatever arises is freed by itself,
How tedious it seems to cling to notions of defilement and antidote!

In this spontaneous, naturally present meditation,
How exhausting it seems to cultivate mental fixation!

In this state of great bliss that is primordial and innate,
How misguided it seems to rely upon a physical consort!

In this natural, spontaneous perfection of the three doors,
How distracting it seems to contemplate artificial maṇḍalas!

I spoke these verses to myself.

| Translated by Adam Pearcey, 2019.

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