I enjoy being awake in bed between about 5am to 7am, especially during these dark winter days. Several cups of warm tea, some reading, doing digital art, listening to people and lots of pillow at my back. I feel supported, free, cosy, comfy, and nobody is contacting me or wanting anything from me. Just being relaxed and present. Nothing else exists. I love this part of the day and the evenings too in bed. Earthly refuge.
The squeaking neighbours upstairs are all tucked up in bed too which is a bonus. The world is so quiet at that time, nearly everyone is still asleep and there’s next to no traffic on the road, the world seems at peace. The heating is warming up the house. I feel supported by life. There’s some warm supportive memories around me, my grandfather’s wardrobe, my grandmothers painting and my dads chest of drawers. The dog comes in to greet me and to give and receive some love. I feel grateful. I feel safe. The inner child likes to feel safe. It doesn’t like all this uncertainty.
There’s a lot I love to do actually which my inner child also enjoys. I love the woodland walks, exploring and discovery, the meetings with friends, the soup outside at the cafe in beautiful Victorian surroundings. Love visiting the guys on site, choosing the plants with a client at the nursery and meeting new clients, designing their gardens, and also super enjoy seeing therapy clients. Love the feeling of progressing and learning too.
Which is perhaps why I’ve been a bit thrown once again by the financial difficulties of the business. The January blues. It’s just almost always been difficult to make it work consistently. It is working overall and has for a long time, and it pays my mortgage and the bills and feeds me and Elsa, but it has not really thrived into a super successful enterprise. I think I expected that to happen automatically, without me trying to grab at it. I must still have my foot on the breaks somewhere.
I have improved my eating habits these last days and weeks. Reduced the amount of sugar in my diet by a lot. Still enjoy the odd candy or cake but not many, the body said no and I listened. Also the last few days it has been big stir fries with king prawns for protein. Feels so much better with fewer carbs. I’m not really doing this, more listening to what the body wants and also what it says no to. I have been taking vitamins and a few supplements.
We seem to be swept up in a lot of madness in the world just now. I sometimes wonder if it might be a simulation and we get what we believe to be true. If we think its wonderful it’s seems so, as those are the bits we pick out to notice. And if we believe it’s awful and scary, we will notice and give attention to the parts that reflect that. I think that’s what I’ve been experiencing.
I get quite strongly impacted by anything that seems to contradict my basically optimistic outlook. That we are all evolving and learning, we are in it together and there are no real enemies.
It’s 7.50am. The neighbours are starting to go to work, still dark outside, time to get up. Time for a shower. We can just look after ourselves more now than ever. Big warm metaphoric hugs for us all without exception.