Sunk Mood at the Start

Then a bit of changing the channel inside helped shift me out of it. Woke feeling an anxiety that has now become less familiar. I dropped into my body and breathed through it and allowed it. Haven’t got a clue what the exact reasons are for what is going on inside at the moment, other than I’m noticing a slump in mood. Everything is going fine with life and business and health. Could be partly this dark wet wintertime blues. Taking on too much too led to some excess stress and organisational impairment last week. Dog needed out 4 times in the middle of the night so broken sleep.

I think its also an accumulative effect from following the news on Twitter too much the last weeks. Whenever I focus on what’s not right with the world, I find myself thrown off balance…problems I can’t solve. I feel anxious about what I’m reading. Do I just stop? Maybe.

A respected cardiologist came onto the BBC morning TV programme and and told everyone that serious harmful effects and deaths are showing up from the vaccines and the excess deaths we are seeing across America and Europe are starting to reflect this. The clip of it on Twitter has had nearly 20 million views. I feel pretty sad about this if it’s true. The BBC were criticised for allowing him on. I am confused. Is there a big cover up or are there a few fringe operators spreading misinformation.

If there’s a cover up and the truth is starting to come out then what will happen in society as people realise? Personally I thought the lockdowns and mass vaccinations were a big over reaction and an almighty mess. I was also scared out my wits literally at first but after a few months I was suspicious. I thought why isn’t there a cost benefit analysis happening about the damage of lockdowns, of mass vaccinating of healthy low risk people including children and now babies. With something that hasn’t been tested long term as it was rushed out.

It’s a very strange time in western society just now. I picked up a random lady that looked cold at a bus stop yesterday on my way to my mums and gave her a lift. Polite chit chat with a stranger, and I asked her how she’s keeping and she said she hasn’t felt well at all since her vaccine booster 3 months ago. Unsolicited information coming to me like that. And told me about her friend too who is the same and said she thinks we have been Guinea pigs.

We had a big family meal out last night at a restaurant that does high end Scottish food with the family for my mums 80th, it was really lovely. Got a lift from my uncle C and L with 85 year old auntie and my sister and her husband and girls were there too, it was so lovely to be with them all. My sister and uncle and I split the bill, £610 in total! Most expensive meal I’ve ever had, and worth it and mum was well happy with her special day.

Got a new therapy client and 2 others today and a supervision session with my supervisor this afternoon and a trip to the park. I continue to have fun with the AI art. I’ve just seen my first client and I feel a whole lot better, though still feel an underlaying stress, not fully sitting in the seat of my inner silent wisdom. And that’s fine. All a learning experience.

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