Yesterday was a fine day, and it went well with the 3 therapy clients I spoke to. I saw the men too and the garden is fine. The design I’m doing is progressing. I had a great chat with my pal N and then we met in the park for lunch and a further very deep psychology chat. About depression mostly, I’m trying to understand it better to be of more use to my clients, he is a lifelong experiencer, and he has a new way of sort of reframing it by making friends with it. Also chatting with R about it.
I remembered and am remembering several times a day to put my hand on my chest and state that ‘I’m here for you, I support you, I love you, you are safe’. This is becoming a new normal that brings such well-being. And staying present as I remember to, like in the shower this morning. The mind wonders, the senses bring me back. Repeated over and over again, short moments of remembering is my path. And they start to join up.
All these small exercises when practised regularly along with adequate sleep, decent quality food and good company build up to create a whole new reality. A much more enjoyable one. The trick I think, is to want to remember.
I had another dream about C last night. I just don’t understand why I dreamt of him 2 nights in a row. He is part of history and has been for a long time. Consciously I’m done with it and unconsciously could be another matter. Is there still more forgiveness to take place? His behaviour towards others is explained by his status as a psychopath, simple!
Today it’s been a therapy client, dropping the car off for its MOT, nearly a month overdue. Struggling to stay legal 😂 oh well. And designing this garden on the drawing board. Yes the old fashioned way with a scale rule and pencil and rubber and adjustable set square. quite liking to be back there. Though it was hard to start it. Been chatting with my client too about it and choosing pleached Holly trees. Gave the men a paid day off today due to the amount of constant rain, impossible to work in.
Got another therapy client at 6 today on zoom. It’s just pouring outside and I’ll walk up for the car early tomorrow morning. Just having a little relax on the sofa. The neighbour creaking floorboards I’m reacting to, failing at the quote here. The dog runs out the room. Putting on music to drown out the noise. Hear them click the light switch above. Hear the guy below me clear his throat. It’s nuts. Looking for other places to live regularly but until financial circumstances change….this is how it is at this socioeconomic status I’m at. Low quality housing. I have to pass through this trial by fire. I know I do. This is the opportunity I sometimes turn towards and take and sometimes I turn the music on. It’s fine.
Got T on my mind and K, and S, hope they are all well.