My son Tobie and his gf J are still here and she cooked a wonderful Portuguese duck and rice dinner last night. Precious moments. They leave tomorrow to return to Lisbon. There’s a bit of smoking and near daily drinking habits that travel with them. I notice old addictions awakened and throughout the festive period…..and I dip in and drop. Just like before. Nothing satisfies and as soon as I feel the effect in the slightest of alcohol I have to stop. I don’t like the feeling of it at all and the body says no. It’s so interesting!
8.30am and dark outside still, raining and windy. It’s the deep dark of winter and yes while a bit inhospitable to go outdoors in, it has a charm and character only found at this time of year.
It was good sleep last night, I feel steady and calm inside, and notice also a little slump in mood. Not sure why, perhaps the above conditions. Perhaps the changes ahead. Perhaps all the distress around I’ve been in direct contact with. Perhaps the revelations coming out about Covid, the vaccines, the lockdowns. Perhaps a whole lot of things….
I anticipate with some pleasure having my routine and regular rhythm back. The solitude. Much as I have delighted in their company too. I have quite a lot on my plate and have a wider band width inside when alone, enabling me to hear the intuitive voice of guidance. Do this now, no that now…..I forget myself more easily when others are not around. And so surrender with less of a sense of self and can hear the inner promptings better. Last couple of night I’ve been asleep by 9.30 and awake just after 5am. That’s ideal after a couple of weeks of a later cycle.
Got a therapy client this morning. And as of yesterday now have 2 gardens to design and a prospective new garden client to visit next week. And a new therapy client to see next week too. Lot is still happening amid all this silence and stillness and hours of spacious time to myself. It amazes me.
I have so much to be grateful for.
In the last year I celebrate these achievements among others :
– A level of inner peace that I’ve never know and way of regulating my feelings so that I’m rarely thrown too far off centre
– The building of a new livelihood and business that aligns with my values, helps people, brings me joy and a sense of usefulness. And keeping my old business going at the same time.
– The reduction in a sense of deficiency and greater kindness towards myself. This has resulted in less fear, and along with that establishing boundaries with influences that have a negative effect on me.
– The furthering of my knowledge about how I can be of most help to the world
– I’ve learned to be more present in this moment and still learning, that in itself is quite an adventure