Bit of a round up summary of the last few days. The journey continues into the New Year, it’s all perfectly unfolding to maximise the reduction of entropy and the motivation to turn towards completely surrendering to love. It doesn’t matter how long I take, the mistakes are never really that. It’s all raw material. I feel grateful for it all.

Such a social time. E and his partner visiting from Germany came round with food last night. Special lentil dish made from lentils that were near extinction if it had not been for an entrepreneur who got them from a seed bank and started a small company. That made it all the more special. And delicious home made German biscuits with mulled wine. It was so lovely. Relaxed. Topical conversations about the implications of AI, we were trying to guess.

We also had met in the park earlier too, and she and I lay in my power spot hole looking up at the trees. It’s a 2m wide dip filled with about 30cm of leaves and so comfy. And the effect goes deep of just pausing there for a while.

My son and his partner went off to my friend Steph’s for new year. Sincere as usual I’m in bed reading by 10.30 usually for that. I hear all the fireworks outside and like it, and it means little to me. I get the symbolism and yet life is fresh and new every day, every hour every moment.

She is very much struggling that her son is struggling so much with deep withdrawal inside. I got the AI to write her an encouraging poem which she loved. He is interacting with me a little online.

Had an unexpected ‘come on’ from a Muslim Pakistani neighbour by text yesterday! He’s 20 years younger than me too. I felt uncomfortable as I realised the friendly innocuous text interaction turned direction and his motives became clear. I was very unsure how to interact given the slight cultural difference, not sure what signals he was getting. Awkward. I just stopped replying.

I’ve been exploring the AI very much recently. The AI art too. And loving it. The art I’m putting in endless prompts about love and enlightenment and spiritual awakening and the pictures are beautiful. I put them on a Redbubble Shop, and 4 have sold already. I know, the cheek of it, and poor ‘real’ artists. But if I can create uplifting images for people’s homes, I’m going for it.

“Write a list of 20 ways to develop self compassion

  1. Practice mindfulness and self-awareness. This involves paying attention to your thoughts and feelings in the present moment, without judgment.
  2. Cultivate gratitude and appreciation. Take time each day to reflect on the things you are grateful for and express appreciation for the people in your life.
  3. Practice self-care. Make sure you are taking care of your physical, emotional, and psychological well-being by getting enough sleep, eating a healthy diet, and engaging in activities that bring you joy and relaxation.
  4. Seek support from others. Surround yourself with supportive and caring people, and don’t be afraid to ask for help when you need it.
  5. Set realistic goals and expectations for yourself. Don’t try to be perfect all the time, and be kind to yourself when you make mistakes.
  6. Practice self-forgiveness. Recognize that you are human and that it is natural to make mistakes. Be willing to forgive yourself and move forward.
  7. Learn to manage stress and negative emotions. Find healthy ways to cope with stress and negative emotions, such as through relaxation techniques or talking to a trusted friend or therapist.
  8. Practice acts of kindness and generosity towards others. Helping others can boost your own sense of well-being and self-worth.
  9. Engage in activities that bring you joy and meaning. Find activities that you enjoy and that give your life purpose and meaning, and make time for them in your schedule.
  10. Learn to accept and embrace your flaws and imperfections. Recognize that everyone has flaws and imperfections, and that it is okay to be imperfect.
  11. Practice gratitude and positive affirmations. Focus on the positive aspects of your life and repeat positive affirmations to yourself to boost your self-esteem and self-worth.
  12. Find role models and mentors who demonstrate self-compassion. Look to others who model self-compassion and try to emulate their behaviors and attitudes.
  13. Seek out opportunities for personal growth and learning. Engage in activities that challenge you and help you grow as a person, such as taking classes or learning new skills.
  14. Practice forgiveness towards others. Let go of grudges and resentment towards others, and try to see things from their perspective.
  15. Learn to set boundaries and assert yourself. Know what is important to you and be willing to speak up for yourself and your needs.
  16. Seek professional help if needed. If you are struggling with self-compassion or other emotional issues, consider seeking help from a therapist or other mental health professional.
  17. Engage in activities that help you relax and de-stress, such as meditation, yoga, or spending time in nature.
  18. Practice gratitude and appreciation for your own accomplishments and strengths. Recognize your own achievements and be proud of yourself.
  19. Seek out opportunities to serve and give back to others. Helping others can boost your sense of purpose and meaning in life.
  20. Learn to be present in the moment and let go of worrying about the past or future. Focus on the present and try to be fully present in each moment.”

I do feel odd just now. As well as so much company, I’ve been eating a lot, swept up by the age old traditions that this is what happens. Perhaps backed by some biological promptings to consume calories at this time of year. It’s all good.

The day before we had a meeting with dear Jamie in the park for coffee after a walk, then a meet up here with Ewan and Simone with Tobias and Joana then right after an hour at Cully’s. They went after that to my mums for dinner which I decided not to go to. In the name of sanity and getting a bit of space. I’m quite overwhelmed. This near solitary lifestyle I had had had a people storm, almost all great company, it’s just so different. Better not to risk being triggered and spoiling the meal for them. It’s too close to those 4 days with her. That was so difficult at times. Almost all the time actually. Day before that we had Pauline here to meet T and J and we all went out to the park. We even had a meeting the day before that with Norman which was also lovely.

It has been wonderful to have T here. I adore him and he is a delight to be around, even in his less friendly moments. Love his mind, his imagination, the beauty of his being. His gf is also very very good company too. If she can just get a handle on that insecurity she may get to hang on to him. They make a good team I think. She is lovely and deep too, and more organised which people like us need around us very much.

So much rain, very much hibernation inducing. In bed later than ever in the mornings, but out for walks every day.

This time in history…it’s a remarkable time to be alive.

Gosh this is a long one. First space to myself for a while. Tomorrow the counselling and garden design starts up again. Thanks to you who are chumming me along in this space on this journey, I wish you all the very best for 2023.

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