And the deeper secret of the secret. The land that is nowhere, that is your true home. iChing
Don’t look to root yourself anywhere that says to me. Look to the invisible the infinite the soundless the eternal.
Super session with a client about transcending the sense of the separate self today. Then another after lunch around the park, also good. Those were high quality parts of the day. Honest open deep sharing, and me speaking from my most loving caring deepest core. For much of it anyway.
Then met 2 friends in the park for tea, Em and S. It was quite nice. Was lovely and appreciated that they made the effort to meet up as they live quite far away, though I was a bit peopled out by then, after the 2 clients. It’s been a fast weekend, and I haven’t had the space I usually have.
I see that the unhappier we are the more ‘selfing’ is done. The happier we are the more forgetting of a sense of self.
I’ve got a couple of people challenges in my life right now, ones I don’t enjoy being around. They are negative about others, complain a lot and focus on problems and bad news. Have anger issues too. The mother is one and I distanced myself from. The friend well….she is slowly seeming to move more into my life. I’ve been letting this happen so far. And that’s where being true to oneself comes in, being kind means time to put in some boundaries. I don’t feel energised after seeing her most of the time. Had to do the same with another complainer friend. And less frequency has led to a more conscious interaction. Another is a very competitive one and I’m not that comfortable around insecure people like that either.
Always agendas. Seldom free to roam wild. Yes I’m clashing with people I have known for a long time I notice, inside. And I notice that all these actions and qualities I do not enjoy, complaining, anger, competitiveness, neediness, focus on the negative. Well I have them all too of course. And when I’m around them it’s easier for me to come from that place, it makes it easier for me to complain, compete, or whatever other game is going on.
Perhaps I’m having a look inside here. What in me is attracting this? I’ll look into that, and also acknowledge that I want to be free from that influence. I see the freedom there is without complaint or competing or insecurity and neediness, anger. When we are not loving then we aren’t being ourselves. We are loving, that’s when I feel aligned. I can still love people, I may not choose to be around them if they habitually choose otherwise. Think I struggle to allow myself that choice. I keep thinking I ‘should’ be able to maintain my own inner connectedness with my heart with everyone, though maybe I need to respect where I am at. At the moment the influences have an effect. It may not always be like that.