Change


Experiencing increasing confidence at the moment, backed up by a whole lot of encouragement from within. And there’s Garab Dorje the last couple of nights. The last couple of weeks have been some new feeling of awakening to, well more love actually is the next way to say it….apart from a few doubt wobbles.

That it’s okay to relax and trust, lean back, lean in, loosen…be here, now, noticing, unafraid. Oh let the fears come, and be still with them as they come and go.

Doubts. They arise like machine gun fire at times. The more I relax the more they come, “but what about….”, and “what if…”

And often it’s about money and scarcity. Some lingering belief that more of it would make everything just peachy perfect. Yet most of my therapy clients are wealthy and they find things to feel worried about.

So I saw the guys since I broke the news about them being out of work in January. They are already making contingency plans for getting their own work and there’s no hard feelings whatsoever. Job is going fine too. No idea how this business will unfold from here.

Therapy clients all going fine. I’m happy doing that. Really fulfilled by it and enjoying it a lot. Each client is a joy. Loving it all.

And I can fully be here for every second of putting on my socks, it takes a while since it’s 3 for each foot, minus 1 out there today! And the entire experience of the very very ordinary opens up. And amazement and joy come. Am I rushing to put the socks on to get to the next better moment? Nope. Not just now.

So sitting in the seat of Self as Eckhart Tolle calls it. It has become more and more attractive. It took a while for the fear to subside. That caused a lot of ping ponging between states, and may still do that. A virtuous cycle has been firmed up now, where the love and joy show up to catch me when I jump off the edge and say “thanks, I got this” to the fear.

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