Last night at 4am I had such a beautiful little love interaction with myself. I was lying on my back and had a hand on my chest and I said a few loving sentences. “I love you, I’m here for you, you’re not alone” and a few others I can’t remember. I basked in the warmth of the love for several minutes before dropping back off to sleep. I realised it is the universal love and I’d tuned into something much bigger than my personal self.
Feeling quite chuffed with myself still that I’m willing to chase down this anxiety I have, and overcome a long standing fear of performance.
It is day 4 and I’m continuing to practice filming myself making a YouTube video and mostly everything can be learned quickly and easily.
Letting the motivation for communicating the message overcome and subsume the fear and self consciousness is the process that’s most fascinating to observe.
I’ve been a little ‘off’ the last few days and I think it’s the fears about coming up to be addressed. Even with my therapy clients on Sunday and yesterday I wasn’t quite plugged into the Force as I normally am. That free roaming spontaneous creativity was lacking. Though I know enough to still go through the motions and respond in a useful way for clients to get value. So that was interesting to observe. Fear is such a dampener of spontaneous creativity.
Now able to imagine it, and close to letting myself loose on the public. i have gone from terrified to excitement about it. They are quite closely related.
Photo from 3pm in the park.