Moments of Grace

The moments I savour and appreciate.

I get up at 8am each morning after a cup of tea and an hour or two in bed. Come through to the table and have more tea and sit down here and write. Maybe read some.

First therapy clients are at 9.30. All very relaxed. I suppose I am writing all this down to look back on. Life will be different in 10 years time. I want to record how good this all this. Such learning, and beauty, and friendships, and good health and quality of life in each moment. I am more at ease within. A time of Grace. It is appreciated.

Construction site meeting in the lovely thick wet mud with the men yesterday at 1pm. Went over the snagging for 2 previous jobs which is now sorted, and details of plans for the current project. Jolly and chatty. Going to try out heated jackets for them this winter. Got them all warm socks too. How much do they love themselves I wondered as I was leaving.

What do I feel about being still so deep in this business? I’m not sure. I’m so used to it. Socially I like it, love the men and the clients and seeing beautiful spaces emerge. Not nearly so worried now that I could support myself with my new income from being a therapist. And not worried now that I know how to deal with worry. I have to price the next project if we are to continue.

Before that 2 therapy clients. First one a lot of going over what we have been working with. It’s a repetition game. Saying the same thing over and over in different words and weaving the current experiences into it to make it more real. All those habits and well worn neural pathways to be rerouted to a new much more positive self regard. That takes time. We have to be kind to all of ourselves and that includes our natural resistance to entering the unfamiliar even if it is good unfamiliar.

Then a walk and talk client in the park. New one. In dear young woman in serious crisis. Did a lot of listening. Only in the last third did I introduce where I would like the meetings to go. There’s a lot of trauma there. We started on breathing. On noticing self criticism. On the deficiency story we almost all carry. And why I call it a story, it is not true. We are lovable and good enough. On the defences and fears that arise as we travel into this new territory of including ourselves in our love and how they are to be treated with respect and listened to. How we have to go at our own pace. We have to feel safe enough so small steps for most of us. And that I’d like her to be honest and direct with me. Which she was.

I feel happy and fulfilled doing this work, it is not really work. It’s effortless and natural. an extension of the love I feel for people. I’m letting it evolve naturally. Allowing it time to slowly fill up and fit into the days. About 14 clients in all, and around 10-12 weekly. Some are fortnightly. Mostly mornings. 9.30 and 11am. And now it’s spilling into later on in the day, 2 after work. Have to accommodate that people are only free after work. Not at my freshest at 6 but going with it for now, see how it goes and if I feel they get enough value.

Rest of the day indoors. Friend P came by for a visit for an hour or so, we looked at some topical videos, discussed our son’s low mood and depressed states and how we can help. If we can. The dog;s played together. And had a third therapy client at 6pm. We talk on the phone and he is in Ireland. Really positive session. They almost all are.

It was another wonderful sleep last night. As usual when I awoke, I say to myself ‘I’m here for you, you are supported, I love you, I trust you…’ and straight back into feelings of being at ease. Full of appreciation for the warmth soft bed, the comfort, the undisturbed environment inside and out.

This house is much colder now that it is 3 degrees outside right now! And the heating is blasting away on full too. Been having it on lower now during the day with the prices going up, just keeping one room heated.

Wonder what today will bring…it is very still outside, blue sky, frost.

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