Aloneness (in relation to Covid)


Bit of a long one today. And maybe controversial if you support the conventional approach to the vaccines and other government measures. I haven’t talked much about my responses to Covid related matters because of this. It’s not as important as our inner processes and that’s the focus of this blog. And don’t mean to imply any judgment of anyone, it was a traumatic time without much reliable guidance around us. I’m an outlier I know, and considered extreme in my views by most probably. And that’s just downright odd to me.

I am hearing about more and more illnesses and unexpected deaths arising around me, both personally and on the news. I feel fear about it, concern, love. Non covid excess deaths are up over 15% in the U.K. All delayed diagnosis from lockdown? I don’t know. Lot of unanswered questions. Some say that the vaccine damaged our immunity and all sorts of diseases are starting to pop up now, and this is the tip of the iceberg. Some say covid itself has done a lot of damage and there are clearly long term effects of that for some. I’d like to see the stats on long covid vaccinated vs unvaccinated. But that data is not available for some reason. Like a lot of data that would shine light on what is happening, including the original data from Pfizer on the vaccine results which they won’t let us see. Why not.

Questions that barely anyone is asking as the answer might be too damaging to society, and too frightening. People need to have some trust of institutions and governments for it all to hold together.

Therapy clients and garden clients reporting more and more various illnesses, in themselves and relatives….vaccine and covid side effects, which of these or n=both, we do t know…..racing heartbeat to 160 and beyond one told me yesterday, inability to go jogging now for another after his vaccine booster another last week…..asked how many of his friends had long term effects from covid or the vaccine and he said “all of them”. Sigh. Not exactly evidence of anything but my ears are open now.

There was even a parliamentary debate here about vaccine damage here a few weeks ago and increasingly doctors who originally supported the vaccine rollout have jumped ship. Like this guy John Campbell. It’s so odd that none of the news outlets have looked into this. Could it be that the truth is way too scary to go near? I have no idea. I just find this all pretty incongruent.

This morning’s client cancelled last minute so I’ve been watching videos and chatting with a friend who was also sceptical about how we approached and dealt with the pandemic. I thought lockdowns were a foolish reaction, and that we should have protected only the vulnerable much better, and conducted cost benefit analyses of the damage of lockdowns first. To health, to children, to eduction, to the economy, to people’s mental health. That lost me a long term friend voicing this opinion on Facebook.

We both feel quite alone in this. With the exception of him and 3 of my employees who independently decided not to get vaccinated, everyone else around me, close friends and family took the vaccine. Oh there’s my fiend W, she didn’t get the vaccine since she got covid early. And even this friend R, well I don’t share his views on the whole thing either so feel even more alone.

He thinks it was all some nefarious plan. I don’t. Maybe I won’t allow myself to think of people in authority as that organised in an evil way. I just don’t see it. I can’t read the websites he sends me as it’s too far out my reality. And he really likes Trump which invalidates him as a reliable reference point for me.

I think it was a panic reaction that led us to acting too quickly and making foolish rash decisions. I think it was wrong to cajole and even insist that the population take an experimental not fully tested medical procedure.

It has been quite an experience not doing what nearly everyone else is doing and believes is the right thing to do. I’m a little used to that having taken an unusual path in life, but I did enjoy some sense of belonging that I don’t now.

I’m still so shocked that friends who are intelligent and what I thought of as free thinking, just trusted Pfizer and the government, and took an untested mRNA vaccine that makes permanent changes in the body. Maybe they decided on their stance with fear in life a long time ago and this is the result.

I also enjoying feeling some trust in the medical authorities and our educational institutions in society. That’s gone out the window for me now.

Why on earth would a perfectly health someone with no Co-morbidities with around 0.01% chance of dying from covid (like me) take an experimental technology that has never been fully tested? Fear. You could argue they were the brave ones and it was me who was too afraid to be a Guinea pig!

They told people it doesn’t get into the bloodstream, that it stays in the muscle. Then they find it in breast milk and ovaries and elsewhere in the body.

They told people to take it to protect others, especially the old, then we discover that it doesn’t stop transmission. It was never tested to do that.

They said it was safe and then young men started getting myocarditis.

They told us vaccinated people don’t shed the vaccine. Then they find vaccine specific antibodies in face masks that have been worn by vaccinated people.

It got me thinking about the effect of fear on our cognitive capacity. I see that in myself. I’m unable to think clearly or get to the truth when I’m in a state of anxiety. I was so very terrified at first when covid arrived.

I’ve been in a conscious battle with my own fear since I was a teenager. And I still am, though I’ve adjusted my methods now. I have found that a more understanding and compassionate approach is much more effective at soothing fear and anxiety. It is just trying to help us after all.

Too much fear drowns out not only capacity for intelligence but also all sorts of other wonderful experiences and capacities, such as love and creativity.

So I will continue to row my boat in this direction of developing ways to be free of the power of fear, to develop tools that work for soothing.

I value the joy of exploring the freedom that results when that freedom is no longer curtailed by the restriction of inner fear.

The unexpected joy and love that arises naturally, no longer held back.

The power and confidence to explore when it’s no longer held back by fear.

The generosity and unity felt with others when it is no longer held back.

All these are innate qualities that exist right now inside us.

One should not think of one’s self as lacking anything–one should think of one’s self as pure, perfect and lacking nothing. – Dilgo Khentsye Rinpoche

And here’s Russell Brand’s latest interview with Eckhart Toll for a police overall perspective

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