Rainy Monday

Grey and very wet morning and I’ve been cheering myself up by singing as I get dressed and make tea, and empty the dishwasher.

Still enjoying the recent memory of a very deep nutritious open conversation with my two buddies and fellow therapists E and S last night. E was making a beautiful creative hat as we chatted. We meet once a month for an evening on Zoom. Gosh, I’m so open with them, I even surprised myself at times. I love how direct we are with each other, confrontational in a way, though loving, and in the spirit of disclosure.

S would be an ideal partner for me in many respects actually! Nice sensible balance to my creative risk taking traits and me to his caution. He is also attractive enough, confident, intelligent, holds his ground and not at all a push over which I like. Also a deep thinker and open to new ideas. Dependable too. Yet, I’m not really looking for that partnership right now. It’s a solo path, this stage at least.

I had a walk and talk client yesterday and I ended up in a business coaching role. This was exciting for me to observe, how naturally I slip into that. I’m a natural encourager. She went off feeling inspired with some work to do on the business idea and hope and optimism about her future.

Lovely long deep open chat with my sister yesterday which was very enjoyable. Also did some AI art generating, pretty fun. And had an hour nap on the sofa!

This morning in bed as I awoke one or two fearful thoughts tried to slip in. Think the sequence went, I realise “it’s very wet outside, what will the men do in this wet, they could do some damage with machines in this weather…” so the suggestion that things could go wrong entered. And that is enough of an anxious thought to trigger the opening up for other ‘things might be going wrong’ thoughts.

I noticed and caught it early enough though. Early enough for the phrases to work and reassure, not too far gone into anxiety. ‘I am here for you, you are safe, I love you….’

Early enough means before the anxious though have provoked anxiety in the actual body. There’s a physiological response to worry in the body. It triggers the release of adrenaline and cortisol as the body goes into flight or flight mode. When this is instigated, even mildly it can take a while for these chemical changes. Hours usually.

I’m still feeling a touch edgy though. It’s not a good day for the men outside in this rain, and the stage the work is at. There’s the residue of the pay conflict with one guy last week….I’ve got the previous client to finalise with.

A therapy client to speak to shortly. Then a visit to the guys, and a walk in the park.

I love you

I respect you

I care about you

I appreciate you

I like you

I value you

I’m here for you

You are held

You are safe

You are loved

You are accepted

I support you

I appreciate you

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