Talking to the Resistance

Out on my walk in the woods, I’m continuing my positive self talk.

I love you

I’m here for you

I respect you

I like you…

I noticed that I didn’t sink into the feeling of it fully, something was in the way.

I wrote in an earlier blog post today about this positivity and love triggering an old defence system. One that has tried to look after me using self criticism, among other things.

This new way of being with myself has made it on extra alert as it doesn’t feel safe.

So out on the walk, since I could feel it’s presence, I started reassuring it. The old defences.

Then realised I could just have a conversation and ask it about its concerns.

It said it was worried that how I’m changing will be noticed by other people and judged negatively. That perhaps they will take it personally or get angry at me if I am in some way responding in a different manner to them or saying unexpected things. It fears that people I know will reject me and that I’ll end up isolated and alone if I don’t continue with the old scripts with friends and family in order to fit in.

Good answer! And valid concerns. Fear of isolation and abandonment and rejection. Straight from the mouth of babes. Thank you defence system for trying to look out for me.

This nervous system has run all my life based on one of two beliefs, something is wrong or someone is mad at me.

It is not at all used to the idea that is being introduced now.

You are safe.

So some compassion for it. And let’s give it a little patience and time to adjust.

It’s quite a jump from something is wrong to I am safe.