Back to Love

Tired this morning, 4 hours sleep after staying up exceedingly late into the night watching series 5 of the Handmaiden’s Tale on Netflix.

On this journey back to love, objections arise, resistances. And I’ve experienced some self criticism last night and this morning. For staying up so late and I bit 2 nails down very short. And I’m acknowledging that old urge to turn against myself in chastisement. Observing and feeling how that feels.

If you state a goal of loving oneself completely and unconditionally, all that stands in the way of that will arise to be heard. The objections. Same with my clients. Their defence systems are stimulated too. The part that thinks it needs to be harsh on ourselves to keep us safe/ motivated/ healthy.

Yesterday’s client was very clear on his capacity for prolonged self punishing discipline and what he can achieve through that in terms of success. Though it’s making him miserable and depressed at the same time and it’s followed by drinking blow outs. And is overall unsustainable. Much objection to turning towards himself with love, since his high status job is a result of his self punishing discipline.

How to handle this overall process? Delicately and carefully…..or a bold direct adoption of what is in the list, with a bit of up front warning defences will be stimulated….and then people deal with the objections and defences as they arise.

I’m persevering with myself. I want to see how far I can go with this, where this path leads to. I’m pretty excited about that actually! I can see only good coming from me loving myself unconditionally, restoring myself to my natural state of love.

I love you

I respect you

I care about you

I want the best for you

I appreciate you

I like you

I value you

I’m here for you

You are held

You are safe

You are not alone

You are lovable

You are accepted

I support you

I believe in you

I love you

You are cared for

I embrace you

You are loved

I respect myself

I am lovable

I am enough

I like myself

I care about myself

I’m grateful to myself

I love myself

I approve of myself

I am safe

I am valued

I accept myself

I trust myself

Yesterday was a chat with one team, and then a drive to the countryside across the city and a walk over a very wild and windy golf course. Picking mushrooms for a friend. Must have been 10 types at least in the one area of grass. A visit then to my uncle where my mum happened to be. Nice friendly times with him these days. Then back here where the friend visited and stayed a few hours. Lot of talking both of us. Find that challenging these days. Like the meaningful bits without the stories, mine and theirs.

This morning got 2 therapy clients. Think I’ll be doing quite a lot of listening today. Let’s see.

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