Handing over Objections

Playing with the order of positive self soothing affirmations this morning. I have been introducing this manner of of talking positively and lovingly to my clients recently and want to find a way of doing it that makes it as easily digestible as possible.

And that evokes as little objection and resistance as possible. Though acknowledging fully that the resistance is part of a self defence system that has been trying to look after us for a long time. These deserve acknowledgement, respect and gratitude as we dissolve them into fully accepting ourselves as we are. I’ll post the compiled list below.

This morning I awoke out of a dream that left a strong energy signature on me quite deeply. Witnessing and experiencing a friend being thrown out of their parent’s house. And having to find a new much larger place of his own which he finds. I accompanied him, I felt the rejection he experienced, and then the excitement and encouragement of his new place. Perhaps this mirrors my experience of transforming. No longer able to find a home in the old territory, and while feeling the discomfort of homelessness, it’s not long before I’m again supported in a new home that suits who I have become. All metaphorical of course.

Today seems a little crowded, there are 3 appointments in the diary. This morning I have a regular Thursday therapy client. Then I meet a friend for a walk, and then a meeting with the next construction client to go over the project.

Yesterday was quite an intense therapy session with a client, and some learning and awareness progress was made.

Then it was a walk up the river, a dreary grey day, the air thick with the industrial yeasty smell of the brewery a few miles away. I noted my inner objection and let it go. I said the Gayatri over and over a few times. I told myself ‘I love you and I’m here for you’.

A lovely walk and a sit on my seat in the woods was much appreciated. A pause as the leaves and beech nuts fell all around us. The police dogs were barking loudly and I had to work intensively on surrendering my inner disturbance in response to it. Over and over, I feel you tornado of disturbance and I surrender you up, give you over and let you go. And again and again.

Back here for many hours of rest. A little progress on the thoughts around compiling a book of tools. Mostly not much happening for about 4 or 5 hours.

Then despite not quite having much energy for it, we went back out to the park. A little dusk walk around the house to get some more exercise to balance all this lying down doing on, and to make the dog happy. Air was still heavy with the smell of the brewery, so still no fresh air. I try and accept this, I’m working on it.

I feel the inner resistance and objection and I surrender it. This is the surrender experiment. Now I have a leaf blower on across the road right now!

Wow thank you. Life is full of unexpected opportunities! We expect one thing, and get another. What are we going to do with that? Resist what is happening and try and control everything around us to be ‘just so’? I’ve tried that and it is very stressful. And doesn’t work. So now I’m on feeling the disturbance fully and allowing it to leave, not holding on. Not frantically justifying the anger with a ‘this shouldn’t be happening’ type thought or belief. Noticing as these arise, these ‘no’s’ to life as it is. And allowing them to become ‘yes’s’.