Whenever I surfaced from sleep in the early hours, I would say, “I love you Susan”, and then onto several other variations each time I awoke, such as I admire you, I thank you for……and I am here for you, I’m your friend, I appreciate you, I’ll never abandon you or reject you. I really really like you. I am lovable. And sometimes to ‘I love me’, or ‘I love myself’. All different variations that came to mind. Over and over.
Unlike the previous 2 nights, there was no dread or fear in the night at all. Not one little bit. Just a warm glow of cuddling myself up in a little bundle of blankets and pillows and kindness and positive loving energy. The dog came in to join the party now and then for a little bit of a loving pat and a hello. I stretched out and felt the warmth smoothness of the duvet cover on bare legs and the pillow on my hands, and felt gratitude. I am safe. Comfortable. Well.
This is what it looks like ‘to chum ourselves along’ through life, be there for ourselves, our own best friend.
Yesterday evening, I really battled to stay awake even till 8pm when I went to bed. Asleep back of 8pm last night for 9 hours, drifting in and out of sleep from around 3am. I left the heating on low by mistake all night, I think it helped me feel well, the warm air. I’ve still got a cold and a cough left over from covid, no smell still. That’s fine. Had a couple of memory lapses with brain fog yesterday trying to find words. Not as serious as the day before. That’s fine too.
I saw a ‘walk and talk’ client in the park for an hour, which went well. I showed him the puffballs and the amethyst deceiver mushrooms, he was amazed. I’m trying to to incorporate more nature awareness into the sessions. Previous client forgot their appointment, that was fine. Then I went to see the men. Only 2 were in, the other 2 off unwell. Great chat though, first time I’ve seen them in 2 weeks. We had a wide and deep one about the whole world, a possible consciousness expansion that could save humanity. That was very fine.
Anyway. I had a visit from an old friend in the afternoon, and it was a good one, in depth, psychological. About loving ourselves mostly. As this is what I’m sharing with my clients and he was asking all about this approach. And we also cleared a couple of things up between us, harmony impediments. And we were both open and honest about some things going on in our lives too. I liked that.
I admitted I don’t know what to do with myself for hours every day, from about 3 onwards till bedtime. Now the spotlight is shining on it, the situation cannot remain the same. Just the act of noticing anything in ourselves changes everything. It seems to create an almost chemical change in the equation.
Today, I have 2 therapy clients on Zoom. One is a new one I haven’t met before. I think my clients are now at over 50% men. Which is interesting, as I expected men to ask for help less. Perhaps the atmosphere about talking openly emotionally and asking for help is changing out there for the better, and we are now giving ourselves permission to talk about mental health. Don’t like that phrase. What is mental health? It’s a positive relationship with ourselves.
It’s clear blue sky this morning.
There’s a devotional energy in the air, reverence and gratitude.