It’s Okay

Despite the previous post. I’m not consumed by feelings about what is going on with my son. I have no control and he will learn, or not, and I know I can handle the consequences. It’s odd to say that, but I feel this big wide compassionate love that can contain him, me and us all including the pain of our mistakes and joy of achievements, the failures and successes. I can just be there for him with understanding and patience through his choices.

At my son’s request, I booked a cottage on a large country estate up on the west coast for my son, mum and 3 friends for Xmas for 4 nights. A place we have visited for a long time.

Today so far I’ve seen 2 therapy clients. One who is making huge leaps forward in dropping her deficiency story.

And a first meeting with a young chap, a ‘walk and talk’ in the park. Such awful abuse he experienced, a mother who told him she hated him constantly, dropped on his head repeatedly aged 5 for fun by a boyfriend. And hospitalised with the injuries. Never told he was loved and never hugged ever. Sisters abused by the guy. Chaos of alcohol and drugs all around. No money for food, so hungry he ate the rabbit pellet food. Word torn clothes. And she spent any money on her animals. Now as an adult a physiology on alert constantly. Coping mechanisms no longer working. Lot of anxiety. Childhood memories coming back. Unaddressed feelings arising. Knows intellectually he is a great guy, good enough and lovable but can’t fully believe it. Hardwired with major self hatred and deficiency. And as bright and aware as they come. Wants to do the best by his coming child, provide a warm loving family home.

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