Just put both the last 2 posts out together to see if I could get at it better with words.
Dream last night. There was some sex but more of a sacred encounter. I’ve not looked for or been much interested in sex for a long time. Think I used up my organisms when I was younger haha 😂
We were completely and utterly in tune with the each other and no separation whatsoever. I was him and he was me. We could feel exactly what the other was experiencing at the same time as what we were feeling ourselves. Such Unity.
Every single movement made, no matter what, was a slightly different hue or tone of deeper and greater bliss. And at one point, he ever so slightly playfully stopped all movement, paused and held the stillness – knowing the effect it would have of increasing the intensity, right in mid kiss and full embrace and all. Was unbelievably intense intimacy, so much so, it woke me up.
But sex is not the focus of what I’ve taken from this. Ecstasy of the ‘creator’ as parts recognise each other in unity as we realise who we are the creator. The bliss of recognition, that the appearance of separation that doesn’t really exist, appears real but isn’t. And is both. Likes waves appearing separate but they are part of the sea.
There was love, but how to express that it wasn’t that we we felt love, as in love coming from a one individual expressed to another one. Love didn’t even come into it, it was beyond that somehow. Perhaps because we actually were the embodiment of love and we were inside love – love all around inside and outside?
Notable was the complete absence of fear. Total trust. Flow State.
I do feel aroused as I write this. Though not sexually, it is a much wider more energetic arousal way beyond the physical, so small an element the physical was of the experience.
It was actually with someone I sort of know, and bump into very occasionally. Not sure I’ll be able to look at him the same way again !!
Next Day reflections – The feeling residue of the ‘tantric sex’ dream was with me almost all day yesterday. That phrase tantric sex actually I’m using humorously as I dont even know what tantric sex is, nor been interested. Though like many of us I have experienced the wonder of unity and ‘not two-ness’ of sex at its best.
I spent the day, not in a sexually aroused way, though there was a physical aliveness energetically to the felt sense, but in a fully lit up inside way. A tremendous feeling of balance.
As if I had so much ballast the boat couldn’t tip over even if I tried. A physically registered remembering of the sense and physical feeling of fearlessness.
Of connection with it all as I moved through the scenes of the day. Moving through scenes and textures and experiences….very little if any fear. Normally only experienced out in nature in the woods, it extended to the ‘man made’ world, where anxiety can arise, but didn’t.
Whenever I got distracted by a thought, I returned to the address of the basic state, that sense of ‘this is what we are’ experienced during the dream. But most of the time if thoughts arrived, it was like leaving a phone to ring, I just didn’t pick up. They came and went. I picked up a few times and noticed I did and then dropped.
Not two.
And all the appearances and experiences of difference – I could see them as what they are, different notes of the one experiencing itself as many, in variation of everything.
The splitting into difference by a friction of encountering the world, that rubbing that results in the experiencing of ‘otherness’ and gradations and difference and variety issues from that. Whether that difference appears as the sound of the car engine, the feeling of water on the skin in the rain, another person, a tinge of back pain, the dog, an annoying noise…the people, different notes, shades of colour of the one. Not two.
Is all this the result of friction, not in a negative sense but in the way that one material is rubbing against another….that it creates heat, energy.
And remembering the actual feeling of it, the absence of anything to defend. In this context it doesn’t make sense to feel anxious about anything if it’s all just shades of difference. Fear didn’t occur in the dream and yesterday it didn’t for me either very much.
There were tinges that came from a thought here and there. But nothing much threatening. If I wandered off inside I’d bring myself back to that full trust and ease. The basic state, rigpa. I know it’s address. The dream acted like an extra beacon leading to that address.
It was so interesting to experience life without fear. How completely back home it felt. That place has always been there, it is here right now. There were no objections from the ego. That must have just been instantly absorbed up and dissolved automatically in the field of oneness. Like a wave dissolving in the sea.
The one needs to rub against a thing to experience, a friction, a movement, to experience itself. The ecstasy of being itself. In the dream the friction, movement…..was a physical embrace with another being. an experience of otherness. But not really two.
When during the slow sex in the dream and we stopped completely, a subtler feeling of ‘two-ness’ combined with one-ness at the same time was experienced. Without the movement. The friction was reduced, the oneness more apparent. The playfulness of motive of doing that for the experiencing of it.
Everything out and about yesterday was met with “not two”, even an encounter with the perhaps schizophrenic youth mumbling to his Carer that he will kill everyone. He was in the pool swimming nearby when I was there, saying some nonsensical things. I noted it was challenging to experience ‘not two’ with him while acknowledging it was so whether easy or not.
Then an elderly man sharing his experience of having a disturbed mentally granddaughter. I just listened. Felt kindness and compassion. ‘Not two’ easy. Some experiences are easier to recognise not two-ness.
Temperature variations there in the Health Club, the cool changing room air on bare skin, the even cooler water, the deep heat of the jacuzzi, coolness again getting out. Variations of the one, no need to get attached to preferences. It’s just a difference.
Walking to the loo here in the flat, across wooden floorboards, onto the hall carpet, then to ceramic tiles of the toilet. The friction of feet meeting the surfaces experiencing variations of texture and sound. Again just a difference.
And love. There is an absence of a need to even mention that which I notice. The word doesn’t fully describe it somehow. It seems beyond love or maybe so much love its too obvious, I don’t know. It might be that it requires two-ness to experience it. Or is that our name for recognising one-ness in apparent two-ness?
Learning to Rest with it All 