Learning to Just Sit

When out in nature I find it easy to practise being present. Mindfulness comes easy. To be aware of my thoughts, of being in a body, of the nature around me being part of ‘my body’, at times a seamless whole with all around me in nature. Of the silence and stillness and the contrasting activity and movements.

When indoors it’s a very different story. I’m restless, constricted, afraid often, and to ameliorate that I almost always have a screen on in front of me. Yes much of that screen time is ‘productive’ as in educational about awakening or psychology, but it has become a crutch and an addiction. Screen time down to 13 hours a day last week. Oh dear dear! That has to change.

We used to live just fine without mobile phones and iPads and the internet. What did we used to do? I wasn’t a big tv watcher at all….

I have been practising fully being here in my body in here in the last 24 hours and it has felt different. I have less of a resistance to it. I had been doing anything but being here and just being and doing nothing else.

Just resting in being with no distraction. Connecting into the stillness inside. Noticing the activity. The sounds, the sensations, the thoughts. I have felt less afraid of doing this.

And it’s thanks to a guided meditation session I had with Marc Leavitt yesterday. This supported me doing it with someone else. It helped me overcome the resistance that had built up to surrendering right here right now indoors. Sitting just being. Doing nothing except noticing.

Last few days – have been with 3 therapy clients and one garden client. A ‘working’ weekend, though it really did not feel like that at all. I loved being with all three therapy clients.

The garden client experience was challenging…..she took over 2 hours to choose a few plants. Kept asking for my guidance then refused it when given over and over and choosing plants that don’t really work in the space. And then apologising over and over. I noticed my ego being triggered, there was irritation and impatience.

Had a great chat with my son Tobie, such a great guy, so respect him. I’m glad he has taken a break from his job, and is going back to the gym. I worry about the unhealthy habits he has been developing to deal with the pain of life. Those can end up causing so much trouble. His life though x

On Saturday evening I collected a big bucket of oxygenating pond weed from an established pond in the walled garden in the park and took it to my new pond at the allotment garden. It will be full of beasties and eggs and that will get the invertebrate ecosystem going and help keep it fresh.

While doing that a neighbour called me in distress. He was about to drink alcohol after 5 years off of it and just wanted to talk to someone. I’m so glad he felt he could reach out to someone first. So we chatted a bit and I encouraged him. And discussed the concept of being compassionate with and kind to himself. Got a book I’ll give him on that.

Today – I have a therapy client this morning. I look forward to it every time. And always feel fully myself during and after. In the Flow state.

Then to see the men. See the existing near complete project. And a new project is starting, lasting 6-7 weeks over the other side of town and I’ll meet a couple of them there. Been setting that up with this client over the weekend. I’m grateful we have this work and income and savouring that we do. Putting feelers out for the next job too. There’s a few possibilities. Aware that I haven’t given the two other men work in 2 months and one still has my van. I was holding off till I see if any other work arises, but nothing so far.

Noticed a strong twinge of anxiety as my mind gave attention to the future there. It’s not where I live. I live here and now.

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