Went back to read some old posts to get perspective from 2015. It’s not very different at all….was wading through fear and anxiety every other day back then too…..also having many breakthroughs and experiences of love, understanding, the bliss of nature and beauty. And still am. So what has changed? It’s hard to talk about the inner changes. These are reflected in the changing picture outside I think though.
I rarely ever drink alcohol now. Eating habits are very different, I went from a love of steak pie to now mostly vegetables, often raw. And a lot of fruit. Low carbs. Lots of vitamin supplements. I lost a stone of weight in the last few years. Stopped sweetening my tea, stopped taking milk, now it’s oat and soya.
I completed a difficult 2 year course and got the qualification and I now have a fulfilling emerging new career helping people as a psychotherapist and passing on what I’ve learned and still am learning. So I have 2 businesses now. I have the vocabulary, tools and experience and confidence to teach the understanding and tools to others. And I notice how naturally this comes, that’s been a pleasant surprise.
I own a house/apartment now, after renting all my life. And now live across the road from my beloved 350 acre park and woodlands. The motive for buying was for my son mostly, so I have something to leave him when I’m gone.
I have a ton of healthy habits that are now more integrated with my moment to moment day to day life. Recently been reciting the Gayatri over and over many many times. It keeps the inner dialogue at bay. I practise mindfulness as much as I remember. I practise dropping into the feelings and am less afraid of disturbing feelings. I criticise myself less. I learned to savour the present moment more. I joined the gym recently and swim regularly. There’s less restless seeking going on. Self love is in place, a work in progress but I’m way less resistant to that.
Mainly realising that I was what I was always looking for anyway.