Friday Ponderings


A little follow on from yesterdays musings…

“People mistakenly assume that their thinking is done by their head; it is actually done by the heart which first dictates the conclusion, then commands the head to provide the reasoning that will defend it”.

Anthony de Mello

Ongoing listening to talks and enjoying the abundance of pointers and reminders when the space inside is available. And experiencing an open spaciousness right now that I can actually relax into without needing to fill it with something.

Still not many if any of the old worry thoughts arising. I watch them trying to get my attention and it’s as if they have nothing to stick to. And so they drop off, leaving open quiet space. There is a secondary layer of worry I notice appears when I relax like this, that is a worrying about not worrying. Allowing space to accommodate this way of trusting and being present for each experience.

This flow of experiences….one then another then another. Some are like this and others like that. Different flavours. Almost even doesn’t matter what they are. I suppose perhaps that means nothing much upsetting or triggering is going on.

Oh. I am getting triggered when the neighbours slam their front doors in the building. I feel it physically the impact. Boof! Impact in the chest area. So at those points the thoughts can get involved and make a big story about how they shouldn’t be doing that, that I should make a sign or something. Or maybe not.

It can just be an experience of a sound. Unpleasant….well there’s a preference for quiet. That’s just a preference though. I can just notice preferences. It can also just be a flavour of sound happening. Bang! Then it’s over. I don’t have to hang out with it long after the quiet has reappeared. The experience is over, and now it’s a new one.

It’s another scorcher today, and going up to 27. I met friend R yesterday and we had a divine time sitting at the a secluded spot by the river. And then a little walk, a close encounter with the cows and to the cafe for ice cream. Really enjoyed his company and found myself laughing a lot. Noticeable feeling of lightness. Saw the client we are working with, got paid by them, paid the guys and myself that’s about it.

Got the survey for the latest job which I imagine I might start working on today. I’ve got a meeting with the client on Monday so a nice little deadline to work towards always helps with the motivation.

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